Linger

E I G H T

The heels of my boots clicked as I made my way to the classroom I've spent too much time in. Now that I was almost completely sure of the reason behind Mr. Hayden's sudden cold behavior, all I could do was hope that he was in his classroom.

I slowly stepped up to the doorway to see him sitting behind his desk, staring at the papers in front of him, a look of despair evident on his face.

I held my breath as I quietly closed the door behind me, before making my way to the front row, my heart beating faster and faster with every step. 

The clicking of my heels against the tile floor grabbed his attention, causing him to look up. His eyes met mine. They didn't hold a stern cold look this time, but one of dismal & sorrow. My heart clenched at the sadness he wore in his expression.

"Can you leave the door open?" he asked quietly. "Please."

 I nodded, chewing on my lip as I went back and opened the door, leaving it halfway open before turning him. "Is this okay?" 

He nodded. 

I took slow steps up to the front, my heart beating louder and louder with each step. "Is it . . . okay that I'm in here?" 

He took in a deep breath, shifting his eyes to his desk. 

I dug my nails into my palm as I glanced at the clock, the scribbles on the board, the notebook forgotten on one of the desks. The grey clouds looming over the sky outside the window, making everything seem more gloomy than usual, somehow matching my mind. 

Silence filled the air while my mind whirled with all sorts of questions of what to say or where to even start . . . or what was even happening. ". . . Are you okay?" I asked quietly, mustering as much strength as I could to lift my eyes to him. 

He remained quiet, his gaze down. 

I took a step closer, tilting my head to try to catch his eye. "Daniel?"

His head lifted up, his eyes locking on mine. "Mr. Hayden." 

My lips parted as I looked at him. 

He cast his eyes back down. 

I let out a shaky breath as I took a step back, bumping into one of the desks in the front row before sinking into it. Silence filled the room once more. A heavy silence. I played with my hands on my lap as my mind scrambled to make sense out of all of this.

"What class are you supposed to be in right now?" he asked, keeping his eyes down.

"Free period," I replied, the answer I had given him so many times, usually accompanied with a smile and a playful look but now the air was so thick was silence . . . there was hardly any room for that. I swallowed hard.

He cautiously shifted his eyes around the room. "You're not supposed to be in here," his voice low, a stern look in his eyes.

A lump rose in my throat as I looked at him before swallowing hard. Just the days before we had spent time in his classroom together without a problem . . . with the exception of leaving for other reasons . . . but by the look in his eyes, that didn't seem to be the reason today. Today, he was talking to me as if none of that had ever even happened . . . as if I was just another student. 

I took in a deep breath but my eyes wouldn't stop burning. What was happening? What changed between yesterday and today?

"Was I supposed to be in here yesterday?" I spoke up cautiously. 

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a breath. 

I stood from the desk, taking slow and cautious steps toward him. "What's going on?"