Blue Howard (boyxboy)

Ethereal

Lorcan smiles awkwardly and pulls the blanket over his body. Evan can no longer stare, instead he shifts to look at Lorcan's face; he props himself up, resting his head on the palm of his hand and focuses on Lorcan's tired eyes.

"That's okay," Lorcan replies, blushing. "You smell good."

"Oh, do I?" Evan cocks his eyebrow. "I was just thinking the same about you."

Lorcan muses, his cheeks red. "I love you so much, it's insane." Evan leans in and bites Lorcan's lower lip.

"Prove it," he teases, and before he can react, Lorcan has pushed him down and climbed on top.

"Oh I will," Lorcan assures.

"Lovebirds!" Jocelyn shrieks and runs to me. "So, how'd it go?"

I steal a shy glance at Anton, who is staring at me adoringly. He's a much better actor than me. I squeeze his hand, hoping that Jocelyn's hawk eyes will catch the movement and the gesture will answer for me. Every detail has to perfect. But perfect is an unreachable goal. I have to at least try.

Last night we made a deal with Anton and thought it through. It would be sensible to pretend, so we could slowly drift apart. Our friends really want us to be together and letting them down would only upset us both. I know it may seem stupid, it does, but Anton and I are okay with it.

"Um, it was very romantic," I say. She jumps in joy and pulls me into a hug.

"I fucking knew it! I knew you guys would work it out!" She's smiling from cheek to cheek. "Lilly, we were right! Your brother's a cool guy after all!"

Lilly comes out of her tent, rubbing sleep from her eyes. "What? Sorry, George is snoring very loudly. I probably gave him a couple of bruises, because I had to kick him to shut up," she mutters and walks closer. "Hi, Howard! Anton?" She reaches out her hand. "It's nice to meet you. No wonder my brother likes you. But you're also my brother? Ugh, this is so confusing." She shakes her head, hair falling to her face. She lazily pushes the strands aside and scans the grounds. "No breakfast?"

"I'll make some," Anton offers and Jocelyn leads her to the food basket. I gather some twigs for the fire, at least when we're busy, we don't have to pretend. Perhaps some acting will only come in handy in the future, so why not improve my skills. Still, if I can, I'll avoid it at all cost.

Lilly sits at the fireplace, legs stretched, arms limp in her lap. She yawns, not even bothering to cover her mouth while she's at it, and stares at the coal. George is still snoring in the tent; I can hear it when I pass by.

Finally Evan runs out of the tent, laughing, followed by Lorcan, both of them in their underwear, and they rush towards the lake. "Haha, you're too slow!" Evan yells while avoiding fallen branches. Lorcan speeds up, trying to catch Evan. They both disappear underwater and I notice them a moment later with wet hair. They laugh, then splash water like little kids and after engage in a passionate kiss. That's when I decide to look away.

I bring the twigs to the fireplace and drop them. Lilly looks up. "You don't look very excited," she says frigidly.

"Am I supposed to?" I sit next to her. She's drawing circles on the ground with a stick.

She shrugs. "Didn't you spend last night with the love of your life?"

"We're happy," I glance at Anton who's laughing along with Jocelyn. "I'm not jumping up to touch the sky, but I am glad that you did this for us."

Lilly tilts her head. She stops drawing and sighs. "He's the one who planned all this. We helped a little," she explains. I look at Anton making sandwiches and Jocelyn trying to open a pack of waffles. When the silence between Lilly and I gets too heavy, she says, "I think we brought too much food."

"Me too," I agree.

It is arranged so that Anton and I get to drive back together. Everybody is so excited that the lovebirds are finally together again; they are more joyful than we are.

Anton smiles weakly and brushes his fingers against mine.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Evan shouts, laughing and jumps on Lorcan's back. They stumble towards Lilly's car.

Jocelyn winks at me, then glances at Anton. "Oh my god, can you be any cuter?!" she rolls her eyes, cheeks red and turns around. Jocelyn has to drive with Evan and Lorcan, while Lilly is driving George home. The ginger boy seems very lost and confused. I don't he's ever been with a bunch of idiots like us. I guess it was a cultural shock for him.

Anton nudges my shoulder. "Come on," he mumbles and we both get in his car.

When the doors are closed, and the other cars have pulled out of the camping site and onto the road, we both exhale.

"I feel horrible," I say and let my head fall back against the headrest. "I can already imagine how much they're going to hate us."

Anton shakes his head. "These guys are definitely not going to hate us, trust me," he insists. I'm nervously biting my lip as Anton manoeuvers his car. "They are crazy in love with you, and they can be okay with me, too, I hope."

I smirk. "They're in love with you too."

"Thank you," Anton smiles, a shadow of a dimple in his cheek. "But seriously, as soon as it gets weird for you, we're ending this. I'm not risking your sanity." He sends a quick glance over to me, then turns back to focus on the road. We are out of the woods, but the two cars are out of our sight.

"I'll tell you then," I agree and take his hand. It's such a simple gesture telling him we're okay, that everything between us is okay. "Definitely."

"Hey, I was wondering, as an experiment, would you paint me again?" Anton asks.

I frown. "There's not a catch, is there?"

Anton muses. "No, I'm not asking you to paint me naked," he says, "although, if you really wanted...I wouldn't stop you. It's always been a thought of mine." He bursts out laughing.

"Why do you want me, though?" I wonder.

"I want to see how you see me when you're not in love with me," he says with a blank face. It stabs me like a toothpick, like a hundred toothpicks at once poking at my heart and stomach and soul and head and...How do I feel about him? "Just as an experiment. I wonder if there's any difference." He shrugs.

"Sure," I say, a little unsure.

"But I want to be there when it happens," he adds. "At least the final steps, I want to see the final brushstrokes on the canvas. I have never watched anyone paint." Again, he steals a quick glance at me.

I'm staring at the road, and nod.

"Are you staying over? At our place?" I ask, hoping he'll say yes.

Anton bites his lower lip. "I would love to, except I don't think I'd be the person your mom would like to see. I am linked to the woman who stole father's heart."

I laugh. "That's true. So maybe, when the break's over – I could paint you then." I'm planning ahead, taking mental notes.

"It's an almost date," Anton agrees and we both smile numbly.