What Remains (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 25

"Did Chris tell you?" Josh spoke to her when she stood still in front of them. Carter looked back at Alyssa and could read from her face that she was hurt, yet at the same time, she looked angry.

"Chris didn't tell me anything," she said, which surprised both Carter and Josh.

Josh looked up and his eyes met with Alyssa's. "...Then what are you doing here?"

Alyssa turned to Carter before speaking. "Carter," she said, "could you give us a moment alone?"

Carter exchanged a quick glance with Josh before he looked back at Alyssa and nodded. He walked away from the two, towards the backside of the school building, which was a few feet away. He knew he should let them be in private, and to not eavesdrop them out of respect, but he couldn't help but let his curiosity get the better of him. When walked around the corner, he leaned against the outer wall, standing still and hoping to not get caught standing there. This wasn't something he'd normally do, but he was tired of all the secrecy and not knowing what exactly was going on now that he finally got a grip on the truth.

"What do you want to talk about?" Josh's voice was heard first. Carter could hear that he was a bit nervous.

A silence followed, and Carter wondered what Alyssa wanted to say that took her so long to put into words.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she then spoke.

"So Chris did tell you," Josh said.

"Chris didn't tell me anything!" Alyssa's voice was loud and angry. "I heard you! You and Carter! In the auditorium, two weeks ago. I didn't want to believe it. In fact, I refused to. But I'm not stupid, Josh. Hearing you two back then... it was enough for me to know what has really been going on."

Carter's eyes had widened when she spoke, thinking back of his conversation with Josh in the auditorium about him taking Alyssa to the prom. She had heard that? This announcement surprised him, if not, shocked him.

"...You heard us?" Josh asked, his voice sounded just as surprised as Carter was feeling. "Well, why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you come out and show yourself?"

"Because I wanted you to be honest with me from yourself, and not because you're forced to tell me because I busted you," Alyssa said, and Carter could hear from her voice that she was on the verge of tears. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I'm sorry..." Josh's voice was heard softly. "I wanted to tell you but... I was afraid."

"Oh cut the bullshit, Josh," Alyssa snapped. "I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if anyone's gay. Heck, I've had the feeling that Carter was gay ever since before he moved away!"

Carter's lips parted in surprise. She knew he was gay? Had it been that obvious for so long? He guessed he had always been girly, but he hadn't expected anyone to have suspicions about his true sexuality already since Middle School. He rested his occiput against the wall as he continue listening, the energy this entire evening had drained from him was starting to make his head spin.

"Really, I am okay with you being gay. Congratulations! Good for you! However, what I'm not okay with, is the fact that you used me. You turned me into some sort of beard! I waited for you to come out to me, and be honest with me. But instead, you continued to use me. Do you know how that made me feel?!"

Josh didn't answer, but Carter could only imagine the look on his face right now. He was probably hanging his head, looking down at the grassy earth, with a hand placed on the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry," Josh apologized again. "I'm really sorry." 

"Yeah, of course you're sorry," Alyssa said, her tone angry. She exhaled deeply and Carter could hear her walking a bit. "You know, if you had told me, I would have helped you! If you had told me that you have been in love with Carter all this time, I would have rooted for you, and I would have put my feelings for you aside. I really care about you, Josh. I've always considered you to be one of my best friends. But this is not what best friends do to each other. You used me, you used my feelings for you like some sort of mask to hide who you really were. Do you know how much that hurts?"

"I'm sorry, alright? I don't know what else to do or say!"

"There is nothing you can do or say! I just..." A deep sigh was heard and again, a brief moment of silence. "I just wished you had more faith in me as your friend."

Carter tensed his jaw and he stared out at the empty football field, which was dimly lit up by the large sports field lighting.

"Just... Just forget it, alright? Don't touch me, don't look for me, and don't talk to me before I decide to talk to you."

Footsteps were heard, and Carter knew that it was the sound of Alyssa walking away from Josh. Carter pushed off the wall when the footsteps had disappeared and he found Josh standing alone in the small open spot. Even from behind, he looked miserable and sad, as if all energy had been drained from him. Emotionally, it probably had.

Carter walked up to him and stood still once he was next to the blond, looking up at him before he grabbed his hand.

"I fucked up, Carter," Josh spoke, his facial expression almost blank. "I really, really fucked up."

"No you didn't," Carter said. "You made mistakes out of fear, but that doesn't mean that you fucked up." He laced their fingers together and tried to make the blond look at him. He gave a soft sigh and looked up at the large school building before he gave Josh a soft nudge with his elbow. "Come on, let's just get out of here. Stay over at my house tonight, okay? I won't leave you."

Josh's finally locked his eyes with the shorter male's, and he gave a slow nod. "...Alright," he agreed.

They kept holding hands as they walked, and Carter gave one last glance back at the school building, wondering, as well as fearing, of what was to come now that the secret was out.