What Remains (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 20

Now.

"So after my mother's death, my father turned to drinking," Josh said as he placed the cup of tea on the table before sitting down as well next to Carter.

Carter wrapped his hands around the steaming cup, heating up his fingers as he listened to the other explain his situation.

"Besides the drinking, he also became more strict regarding his religion. Often visiting the church and praying before sleeping. He told me that God was the only person who could never leave or disappoint you," the blond continued and also took a sip of his tea. "I never understood why he suddenly became that way. I had never been the religious type and neither had he. But since then, he also started to become aggressive if I didn't listen to him or if I did something that was considered a sin. Such as homosexuality." Josh took a deep breath and leaned back against the bench. "When I came out to him the day after you left, and told him that I was in love with you... he became furious." Josh paused for a moment before he could continue, watching the steam of the tea floating up into thin air. "He began beating me and told me that I couldn't commit a sin like that, and that if I would continue to do so... he'd kill me."

Carter's eyes went wider upon hearing Josh's words. "Kill you?! But he's your father. He wouldn't do that, right?"

"That's what I wanted to believe as well. But at that moment, I was really scared. Frankly, I was terrified. I still am," Josh replied. "He said he'd kill you as well if he saw you again. I was more afraid of him hurting you than him hurting me, honestly. He had threatened and hit me before, so I take everything he says seriously. Of course he wouldn't actually kill you, but I was, I am, afraid that he'll seriously injure you. So I tried to push you away as much as I could, and convince myself that I liked girls. I tried to force myself to fall in love with Alyssa, but... I couldn't. You were right that day when you caught Alyssa and I. I hadn't grown up like I thought I had. I was lying to myself. And frankly, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

Carter took a sip of his tea, feeling the hot beverage going through his chest and warming him up from inside. He felt bad for Josh and now began to understand his actions, and why he acted the way he did. Carter knew then how lucky he was to have parents who are so accepting of who he is. Josh wasn't that fortunate, and he could only imagine how horrible that must feel.

"Josh, you shouldn't let yourself suffer so much. I know I've been away, but I'm back now, and I won't leave you again. You can come to my house again if it gets hard, or if you want to be away from your father," he said.

Josh glanced at Carter and gave a small smile. "Thank you," he said. "But I think that won't be necessary. I mean, the things my father does are wrong, but he's not a horrible person. He really isn't. He's just... lonely."

Carter bit his lip. Even if his father wasn't a horrible person, he was doing horrible things to Josh and it couldn't continue. He gave a soft sigh and leaned against Josh, resting his head against the other's shoulder, like he used to do when they were younger.

Even though Carter didn't agree with it, if Josh wanted him to not do anything just yet, he'd just do whatever pleased him. Though if it was getting out of hand again, he would take action.

"My bum hurts," Carter mumbled, causing Josh to snort loudly. "It's your fault."

"Sorry," Josh chuckled and kissed the top of Carter's head. "I'll be more careful next time."

Josh reached out to one of Carter's hands and laced their fingers together, and Carter watched them intertwine. His smaller fingers fitted so perfectly between Josh's. Almost as if they were made to hold each other. It was a nice thought and Carter felt his lip curling up into a smile, hoping he'd be able to hold it like this for many more times to come.