What Remains (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 18

5 years ago

That day

The movers had just carried Carter's bed out of his room and he watched them from the stairs. The house was entirely empty right now and everything started to feel more and more surreal, as if time was going slower and he was watching down from another realm. Josh was still upstairs and he wasn't sure what he was doing, but he couldn't bare to see the look on his face right now. Though he had to say his goodbye to him right now. As much as he didn't want to, he had to.

He got up from the stairs and walked back to his room. There, he saw Josh standing in front of his bedroom window, looking outside at the backyard.

"Hey," Carter said. "We're leaving in a bit."

Josh turned around to face Carter, and he could see that he looked troubled and sad. Which was only logical.

"Carter," Josh said and swallowed. "There's something I need to tell you."

Carter frowned a little and walked closer. "I also need to tell you something, honestly," he said. "But you can go first."

Josh looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't want you to think strange things of me, Carter," he said. "But if I don't tell you now, then you'll never know. And I don't want to keep thinking "what if" for the rest of my life."

Carter was now curious about what Josh had to tell him. His cheeks had a rosy color and went to stand next to the other. "Josh, nothing would ever make me think strange things of you, you know that."

Josh's eyes met with Carter's and he took a deep breath. "I'll just say it quickly and get over with it," he said. He closed his eyes and hung his head a little. "Carter... I like you."

The words Josh spoke forze Carter to his spot, but at the same time confused him. "You... like me?" he asked softly. "In what way?"

Josh opened his eyes again but didn't look up at Carter. "In a way that I shouldn't," he said. "I like you as more than friends. I've had the stupidest crush on you for the past year now and I know I shouldn't feel these things but I do. I honestly don't think I'll ever like girls the way I'm supposed to like them. You probably think it's strange, but if I don't tell you this right now I never will."

Carter could only stare at Josh and wonder if this really was reality. Did those words really just come from him? Did Josh really feel the same way about him? Carter saw how embarrassed Josh appeared to be and couldn't help but smile, yet at the same time feel sad.

He wasn't sure how to express his feelings through words. Right now, all he wanted to do was show Josh that he wasn't strange, and that he felt the same way as he did. Carter placed a hand on the other's shoulder and leaned in to kiss him softly on his lips. Josh stepped back in surprise and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Sorry," Carter said. "I feel the same way about you...." Even though it was brief, he could still feel the ghost of Josh's lips against his own and for him, that was enough.

"You feel the same way?" Josh said, a smile forming his lips. His cheeks had gotten redder and he appeared to be a little embarrassed. "... I was scared that you'd think I was strange," he said with a relieved sigh.

Carter looked at the other. So Josh liked him back all this time? When Josh said he had a crush on someone during the sleepover, he was talking about him? Knowing this, Carter thought back of all the times they had spent together. All the things they had done together and the secrets they had shared. And all this time, Josh had felt the same way as him.