Delicious Ambiguity | the rainbow named trust

FAQS

Q7. What happened to your wattpad block party posts? 

A7. Earlier this year a publisher had approached me and the contract included no part of the book to be shared online except for the sample they allowed. Following which I had to request Kelly to take them down with a promise that I would rewrite bonus scenes for WBP but then she had a baby and my publisher ghosted me. Long story short, WBP posts have been taken down considering it was a necessity back then and I reposted the book back on WP.

Q8. Will there be a sequel?

A8. No, I feel like this story is done, but I might have a fantasy of bringing Maira back when, I don't know, I'm like 40 or 50? She has just went on the biggest journey spanning the book where she started as someone who sort of hated herself and ended up as someone believing that she could love again and forgive herself. I have to respect that arc and let her go and live for a bit. 

Q9. What's will all the poetry in the book? Isn't that plagiarism?

A9. First of all, I didn't know 'poetry' could prick someone's eyes. What is wrong with a string of words, woven beautifully together that actually make you FEEL something? 

Secondly, here's what Jim Jarmusch once said and that answers for me. "Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, and street signs. Trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from, that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (your theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean Luc Godard said: "it's not where you take things from—it's where you take them to."   

[i, mahak, in no way or form endorse plagiarism. this is also to say, if you copy my work, i will find you and i WILL KILL you.] 

Q10. Authors on Wattpad finish books in months. I know you since your kneeldownforzayn days. Seeing the years you spent on this, why did you choose to particularly write Delicious Ambiguity? 

A10. Will you believe me if I say I have grown wiser WITH Delicious Ambiguity? You should. It taught me about love and harboured great emotional honesty that I haven't had the chance in real life to speak about. With each edit I did, I would celebrate the exuberant challenges of Maira and Zaahid's relationship through seasons and across cities. Writing Maira taught me that my life and capability to love only gets strengthened, not broken, by heartbreak. If you know me in real life, you will find DA to be my sprawling scrapbook where I have copiously added personal details.

Q11. Each character you have created is layered with overlapping personalities. Is that how you see people or is that one of your writing perks?

A11. Err, you can say I see people differently. Over each edit in DA, the book found new character and a newfound complexity which gave me a complete artistic transformation. I had to rewrite most of the book with all those emotional layers. So, yes my characters are dark, meaningful, pointy, provocative and lived-in. 

Q12. Have you ever stalled writing Delicious Ambiguity and hidden behind excuses of 'writer's block' or 'personal life commitments?'

A12. Busted. During half of the last decade I've taken to write DA [do not expect me to write another book. i can't.] I've received mixed (biased) reviews about the protagonists which really would be a bummer not because I sought out to create perfect people with perfect lives, but because the skewness of the reviews only saw one side of the effects of navigating a tangle of unfulfilling and masochistic relationships. [at one point, 'toxic' and 'abusive' filled the entire comment section] I wanted my readers to understand the lives they've lived and to only then judge the people they've become. From writing DA, I wanted to shed light on the contradictions and complexities of grief and love and truth. 

So, yes, I've hidden behind any plausible excuse to take some time off writing to analyse what I know and to question if it's even healthy. I needed to be aware of my thinking about love and if I had wrong notions about it, so that DA could take birth. DA is all about its emotional honesty, and for characters who are not always likable, never mind loveable, but also often very relatable. 

Q13. The end did no justice to Maira. Will you write an alternative ending?

A13. I don't think so. I knew when I started plotting DA that many people will be disappointed that Maira didn't get her happily ever after ending with Zaahid because she chose her own personal happiness. But she did, of course, in the way that she has grown. In her personal life taking priority; in the relationships she has repaired; in the shift from having loved to hard to allowing herself to let people go. In the end, you need to remember that she'll be okay. That Zaahid, truly sees her and calls her out on her coping mechanisms and deflections and helps her overcome them. 

Q14. Is Zaahid truly the kind of vicious villain most of the comments in the book make him to be? Are you romanticizing an abusive relationship?

A14. NO. There's out even an ounce of truth there. It has been showed and said and proved SO many times in the book that he's not a cheater, not an abusive partner and definitely not the villain Maira needs to be afraid about. It's worrisome that people still ask me that, maybe because they've already made up their opinions about him and cannot see him in a different light. 

You need to understand that: Maira's so overwhelmed and Zaahid's so self conscious and unsure of his own self worth. "Why don't you understand me? Why can't you listen?" The words they should say—the words they long to say—lie buried in the detritus of anger and recrimination. Warm embraces turn to cold kisses on the cheek in a garden they made themselves, a garden grown cold and dark. For their relationship, a happy ending seems out of the question. What looms instead is just the end.

Delicious Ambiguity, is about a couple of good, caring people at their worst. And while there are many moments of uncomfortable levity, the laughs aren't enough to obscure the central tragedy at its core. Sometimes, it feels like a bundle of missed opportunities—tears hidden when they should've been shown, angry words swallowed instead of spoken. Throughout the novel, Zaahid is shown as 'hopeful' which isn't an emotion he carries, but a dogged and deliberate choice he makes. Despite one incident where Zaahid loses his cool with Maira, I hope you get the impression of a lingering love when you reach the end of the book—a love sullied by a whole bunch of problems to be sure—is still there.