I was silent on the walk back to my house, and the guys noticed. “Something wrong Vic ?” Tony asked me. I shook my head no, but stayed silent. I was wracking my brain for reasons that Carson could be mad at me. I tried to tell myself that she was just annoyed with something other than me, but I wasn’t really convinced. I was the type of person to blame myself for everything, and I always believed that people were mad at me. I tried to hang with the guys and be normal, I really did, but my thoughts kept wandering back to Carson. She had acted interested in me, I mean, she had pulled me out of class and started making out with me. Didn’t that mean something ? And if so, what ? I had thought that maybe I was finally getting something I wanted, but maybe not…
About an hour after school let out, my phone lit up with a text, from none other than Carson. It read “Hey Vic, want to meet up ?” I replied with-“Sure give me a few. Got anything in mind ?”
“Just wanted to talk…”
That made my stomach knot up instantly. Shit was about to go down.
“Sounds scary ”
“Meet me at the corner in ten minutes ?”
I needed more time than that to prepare for this, whatever it may be. But it didn’t seem good….
“Fifteen and you’ve got a deal.”
“Deal.”
I told the guys I was going to meet Carson, and they all ooh’ed and ahh’ed. I remembered that I was supposed to be going to her house for dinner, was that still on ? And sooner or later I would have to tell the guys what was going on. All these thoughts clouded my head until I was on the verge of snapping, but I gathered my courage and walked to the corner.
She was already there, turned around and facing the other way. Just as I approached her, she turned to me with a fake smile. “Hey Carson.” I tried to play it cool and act like I had no idea anything was wrong, but even if I hadn’t known it before, I sure did now. Her body language was stiff as though she were intensely uncomfortable, and she looked utterly worn out. I pulled my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and shook them, indicated we should go for a smoke. I figured it would ease the tension, and maybe bring back thoughts of our happier times. I motioned toward the park, silently asking her if she wanted to go there and talk. She agreed, her voice a dull whisper.
We shuffled slowly to the park, with her avoiding my gaze and staying a good foot away from me the whole time. I was so confused, she definitely hadn’t acted like this earlier. What could I possibly have done to provoke this behavior ?
When we arrived, I walked straight toward the familiar play-scape and heaved myself onto it. Carson followed suit, and I pulled out a smoke, ready to light it. Suddenly, she spoke “Wait ! I, um, have to tell you something. I don’t, uh, I don’t want…this ?” Her voice sounded like she was on the verge of tears and she sounded out of breath. She inhaled deeply and spoke again “I don’t want to hang out anymore.” Her voice sounded stronger, but still hesitant, and the look in her eyes told me she was clearly lying. The lie was so desperate that I wondered what could be so bad that she had to break all ties with me. I placed my hands lightly on her shoulders , “You don’t sound sure about that.” Carson’s expression crumbled, and she began to sob. ‘I’m sorryyyy !” She cried shakily, about to turn and walk away. I was really alarmed now, something was so wrong here. I couldn’t just let her leave, I needed to let her know that I cared about her, and help her any way I could. “Carson, what’s going on ?” I pulled her against me, half-expecting her to pull away. If I was going to do this, I was going to let it all out here and now “Just tell me what’s wrong, Carson. I can see you’re lying, why ? I really like you, okay ? And I care about you a lot, and you aren’t making sense and I just….Let me help.” I was pleading with her, and I sounded so pathetic, but what could I do ?
