Sanity

Chapter Eleven: Negotiation

When I started to come to, all I could hear was yelling something that sounded like Brett and someone else arguing, but everything went black again. I dreamt of Brett holding our child. He stood next to me staring down at the pup tears in his eyes. He seemed happy, and then something awful happened. We were falling and Brett disappeared. The bundle he was holding unraveled leaving nothing behind. I screamed and cried for my baby, for Brett to no avail. I kept falling there with nothing but time rushing past like a black and white blur.
Then the falling stopped and suddenly my eyes flung open as someone shook me. They were trying to calm me as tears stained my face. I couldn't even separate the figures and their voices to me none of it mattered. "My baby, my pup it's gone. I need Brett. Where is he?" I whaled tears still falling. A woman tried to console me patting my shoulder. "It was just a dream miss, there is no baby. Who is this Brett you speak of?" the nurse asked. It was then I realized where I was, the hospital.
I came back to my senses a bit, "Keep the secret." I thought. I had to think fast. Make up a story something that Brett would be able to pick up when he got here. "He is my fiancé, Brett Darrens. Please find him. He will be worried." Suddenly I hear a familiar voice coming from the doorway.

"Fiancé!" My mother shrieked. "We've been worried sick, and this 'fiancé' of yours is the reason you were wondering around in the desert?"

"This wasn't Brett's fault." I glared; she had no right to speak of the alpha in such a way. "GRRR"

"Growling Samantha what has happened to you?" She backed away a bit. She looked at the nurse, "Is she on something?"

"I've been sober since I left." I interrupted. "I am a grown woman, and you can speak to me as such. I'm not a child who needs talking around." I looked in her eyes. I wasn't used to being treated this way. I am an Alpha Female. In that thought I realized how different I was now.

"Excuse me, 'a grown woman' doesn't run off without letting her family know where she is going."

"I wrote you a letter." Was all I had to say. I couldn't explain to her why I left, it was wolf business.

"Weeks later!" she started to tear up. "We were scared sick, Samantha."

"I'm sorry." I looked down. "I need to rest."

"Fine, I'll wait outside." She said before turning to leave.

I avoided her gaze as she left the room. I hated what this had done to her, but Brett and his pack, our pack, was my life now. I loved him. The nurse then came over to check something on one of the machines.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes miss?"

"Has there been a pregnancy test done?"

"Um, no miss it isn't standard when dealing with dehydration. Is there a reason you want one done?"

"I was pregnant; I fear I may have lost the child." I saddened saying it aloud made it real. "With the ordeal and all I just went through-- I just wanted to know." I fought tears.

"Of course, do you have any idea how far along you are?"

"Only a few weeks."

"Well did you just find out?" I saw the shock in her eyes and remembered as a human I wouldn't know of the pregnancy this early.

"Yes, only yesterday." I said quickly to cover myself.

"Yes miss, I will have that done. Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes will you see if someone can get a hold of Brett Darrens for me?"

"Will do miss. I'll be right back."

***

I laid there my stomach sinking. My mind rushed as I felt my heart speed up, and the voices that once rang clear in my ears morphed into faint static. I don't understand. This can't be happening. Not again. Not again. I thought.

"Miss? Miss, can you hear me?" The doctor waited patiently as I tried to compose myself.

"Yes, sorry doctor." He then turned to my mother continuing to explain my condition.

"Mrs. Harrison, this often occurs in cases of sever trauma. The patient creates an alternate reality to escape the pain. I recommend she is moved to the psychiatric ward for a few days until the doctors there feel they have the situation under control. They will begin by introducing a regimen of anti-anxiety and anti-depressants."

"She doesn't seem like she needs all of this." My mother added.

"When or if she does start to remember what actually happened, she may find it hard to cope. Often times in these situations therapy and structure are the best things. She may feel embarrassed to tell her friends and family what has happened, but here she will be able to confide in professionals as they help her sort this out."

"I am not delirious, and I did not 'make up' where I've been and who I've been with. There has to be an explanation why you can't find records of Brett. And the pregnancy," I paused. "It was a false positive." I made myself seem strong. No one was going to tell me I was crazy. I loved Brett, and I didn't imagine him.

"Miss," The doctor started. "Let's get her downstairs." He said turning to the nurse.

I sunk my head; to them I was an ignorant, damaged child that couldn't handle herself. I was not respected nor believed. My words held as much power as a bug. They were easily squashed when they got in the way of things.
I was led down to the psychiatric ward. The walls were a light yellow, but everything was still extremely sterol looking. Art hung on the walls in an attempt to brighten the space, but it had this atmosphere that was unshakable. I was led into a small room with a bathroom. There were two beds, but I was the only one in the room.
A small stack of clothes were laid on the perfectly made twin bed. I was asked to change and then come out to the hall by the nurse that escorted me. I did as I was asked changing into the grey sweats that were left for me. They hung off my frame a size too big.
When I exited the room the nurse led me to a small activity room with other people dressed in the same grey sweats. I was asked to wait here and told the doctor would come and get me shortly. I sat in a small chair at one of the tables alone. Looking at the others, I saw the sleepless faces and disheveled hair they all had in common.
This place was uncomfortable, I hated the feeling it gave me. I wanted to leave. I wanted Brett to come and explain I was telling the truth. I wanted the feeling of my baby to come back, but I knew that it would not. That it was indeed lost, and I mourned for the unborn child. I wondered if Brett could feel the loss. I felt so alone and so afraid I would never see him again. I was still a wolf, and I could still feel that part of me. I could feel how she yearned for open spaces, to run in the woods with her paws hitting the earth beneath her.
I wanted to be home. Not the place I grew up with my parents, but the pack grounds with Brett and his family, with my pack. For the first time since I was changed I felt the loss of my connection to them. It felt like a hunger in me I could not fulfill.

***
After sitting for what felt like hours in that room with those strange people a woman in a white coat came up and introduced herself.

"Hello, Samantha?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Dr. Blake, but you can call me Fea if you'd like."

"Hello, Dr. Blake." I didn't need to become familiar with this woman. I didn't want to become familiar with her.

"Very well, will you come with me Samantha."

"Ms. Harrison, Please." I didn't need her thinking me impotent as well.

"Yes, this way Ms. Harrison." She led me through a door to an office. "Please sit." She motioned to a chair on one side of a desk as she sat on the other.

"When will I be allowed to leave?" I came straight to the point.

"Well, Ms. Harrison you've been through quite the ordeal, and we only wish to help you." She smiled lightly.

"With all due respect Dr. Blake, I am not crazy, nor am I delusional. I have been kidnapped, but not from my parents' home. I was taken by a group of men and left in the desert only a few days ago, and I have a fiancé and work I need to get back to."

"Samantha, oh sorry, Ms. Harrison." She corrected. "That is what I am here to sort out. I want to hear your story, and if we can, I do wish to return you to your fiancé, but I need to find out how to find him." I could tell by the way she spoke she didn't believe me anymore than the other doctors and nurses. She only wished for me to talk to her, so she could try to build trust and inevitably tell me that I had imagined it all. I simply sighed.

"If you aren't truly going to help me, may I go back to my room and get some sleep?"

"Ms. Harrison I can only help you if you speak with me."

"I've told you everything I wish to share, may I leave?"

"Very well, but here we have strict rules. You aren't allowed to stay in your room all day, but you may go back to one of the game rooms." She smiled lightly, and I could tell she felt defeated.

"Thank you." I said standing and leaving the room.