Shippo Presents: A Rant On Naruto FanFics

Crack things I think about pt. 2: Akatsuki

A couple of people asked me to do this so I shall.

Hidan-

His snapchat is him messing with Kakuzu and of his cash.

His Instagram is him being sexy tbh. Like have you seen Hidan? Like honestly. Look at him.

His sex is bomb af. Like I'm talking bondage rough sex, with hella cuddling at the end of it. And lots of dirty talk. Maybe I'll write a Drabble of it for the lemon book.

Works at a sex store and is a male stripper.

Last song played is probably something with swearing, sex, and drugs.

Yes, Hidan does drugs. #SmokeWeedEveryDay

Pickup line???
"Mind if I peck you on those sweet, wet lips?"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh no, I mean the ones between your hips, baby."

Deidara-

Literally the cutest blonde boy in this anime besides Naruto. Like have you guys seen him? Ugh.

His snapchat is of his paintings, Starbucks, and messing with Sasori.

His sex is probably more sensual and touchy touchy. 10/10 would recommend.

He works at an art gallery, and they often sell his paintings for him. But during the summer he sells firecrackers to children.

He's a tea kind of guy.

His Instagram is him covered in paint with messy clothes, but he still looks cute. And his hair is all up in a bun. He gets hella likes and comments.

He probably listens to edits and remixes of songs.

Pickup line:
"I can make more than just a couple of firecrackers pop."

Sasori-

He will kill you if you talk to him before he has his coffee. No questions.

He works at a little shop that sells customized dolls and puppets, and he makes bank. #ChaChing

Honestly speaking I don't think his sex game is strong. He seems to be more asexual if you ask me. 0/10 cause he doesn't have sex.

His snapchat is vacant unless something funny happens, like Deidara tripping up the steps to their apartment, or a kid throwing a tantrum in the store he works at.

Instagram is aesthetic as fuck. People confuse him and Gaara up on Instagram because their pages are kinda similar, but the REAL fans know who is who.

Classical music, tbh.

Pickup line:
"What do you like to eat for breakfast?"

Itachi-

Sweet lord.

Let me tell you little nugget fuckers about Itachi.

He is the S H I T

Like his Instagram is him in a suit and tie everyday. **cue Suit and Tie by Justin Timberlake in the background**
Like he gets 1000+ likes with 500 comments.

His snapchat is him getting road rage. Let's face it, he got places to be.

He works as a private detector. Like he'd burst up in someone's house: "FREEZE. KPD!" Equipped with a pistol and a flash light.

He drives an Audi. Yeah, that's how nice he gets paid.

He's a womanizer. But he only has sex with like, elite women. He meets them at a lounge where it's dimly lit and people are dressed fancy and drinking wine and he walks over to some lady with nice boobs and slips his arm around her and boom.