Marrying my mistake

5. Ishani POV

Afterwards I went to get dressed for the Pooja and saw a note with a jewelry box on my side table.

"A Diwali gift that means much more. Love, Neil"

I opened the deep blue velvet box to see exquisite ruby and diamond encrusted heart shaped earrings. They were pretty but they looked expensive. I couldn't take these for sure. I kept the note in the box and slipped it inside my side drawer as i went to take a long hot shower.
After a long skin shriveling shower I decided to wear the dark yellow saree with an orange embroidered blouse. I redid my plait and added some flowers for effect. I also decided to put on some bangles, jhumki earrings and lots of kajal. Diwali dressing is always fun and I prefer Indian wear on such occasions.

I went downstairs and saw maa opening boxes of sweets as bhog for Pooja. I set the Aarti thali with lots of incense sticks, diyas and flowers. Dad walked in and said, "you look like a newly married girl. Maybe its time I look for a groom." He started laughing as I made a face and mom started the Pooja.
An hour later we were done with the Pooja and the room was filled with the beautiful fragrance of roses and smoke from the insence sticks.

I grabbed the ladoo and went out to decorate the wall with candles. On Diwali its important to light up candles and make sure there is light. Dad called me, "Ishani please pick up the gifts we head to Singh Saab's house. Your mother has messaged her that we are coming."

Every Diwali we have a potluck dinner, cards game as men drink and we children light up firecrackers. This became a ritual when we settled here as both families belong from Punjab and our families are still there. Its a Punjabi thing to do.

I picked all the gifts, I went to my room and got the perfume I got for Neil and I picked up the velvet box which contained those expensive earrings but I kept them back. If maa sees them she will create a scene. I will return these to Neil when we discuss the matter tomorrow.

I picked all the presents as dad picked up the casserole containing the yummy rajma maa had made. Maa was carrying another big batch of chicken tikka. I went over to Neil's and rang the bell. Neil opened the door and hugged me an extra second. "Happy Diwali," he said joyously. He proceeded to meet dad and maa as I looked at him and mustered the same. I went to their opulent drawing room in their rich designer made house. It has a fountain installation on one corner and the ruby red sofa is offset with white marble tables. The chandelier is huge and apparently it came from Italy and the whole society came to see it. Neil's father is an affluent exporter and Neil is supposed to take over the company one day. He is currently an employee and works with the marketing department in the office. He doesn't want people to think he had it easy.
I sit on the sofa as their house help gets us water and juice. Aunty and uncle come and wish us. Then aunty says, "Ishani go with Neil and light some firecrackers."

"Let's go to the balcony Ishani. I have a few sky shots we can burst," Neil says as we both start walking up. When I entered his room, Neil said, "I have some wine in here, if you want." Not for the first time I was uncomfortable around Neil, all I could remember was that we both had sex. Maybe I needed the alcohol. Sure, I mumbled as I headed to the balcony. How did we get here, this uncomfortable relation might spoil our childhood memories and friendship. I wanted to smoke so I crouched and lit a smoke from the small potli I was carrying I was sure it will irk Neil but I wanted the cigarette more that Neil's approval. As he came with wine I looked up and told him to come and sit on the step with me. "Why?," he asked in a thunderous tone. "Because I wanted to," I made sure I was assertive. "Whatever," he said and handled me a the glass as he finished his glass in a gulp. He must be angry I though as he bent down and snatched the cigarette in a swift motion. Somehow he lost his balance and he fell on top of me. I looked in his eyes and I felt a thrill run down my body. His familiar body was making me react. He touched my lips and I quivered I heard the room door open and his mom call out, "Neil I have got some chicken tikka, kebabs and coke for you kids." "Shit," I pushed him aside and he quickly hid the wine glasses and stubbed the cigarette in a potted plant nearby. I got up and rushed to the room and grabbed the tray, " thanks aunty it looks yummy," I said hastily perhaps with a heavy breathing.
"What's the smell?," she asked. She could smell the smoke on me! Trust her to find out everything quickly. I saw Neil enter and he replied, "maa its the firecrackers." "Ohh okay for a second I thought it was cigarette smell," she replied slightly confused. Phew that was close, I knew the risk when I lit one but this was too close. As aunty left I saw Neil grab a kebab and offer me the plate. I took the plate and went in the balcony this time I chose to sit in the swing and see the fire crackers light up the sky. Neil flopped down next to me and we sat for a few moments peacfully looking at the sky. My inner turmoil wanted me to confront Neil and understand last night but for the sake of sanity I chose to ignore it. Losing my virginity was a big deal but I felt worse for doing this with Neil and not remembering what having sex is like. I always wanted to marry and then do the deed. But what exactly happened last night?

Suddenly I squirmed, what if Neil had forced me or used me? I pushed the thought away he was too much of a gentleman to do that.

"Ishani! Where are you lost?," Neil touched my hand. I retracted it immediately as he continued, "I have called you thrice. Where are you lost?. Thinking about me?" His tone was light and his eyes twinkled. I looked up uncomfortably and saw he was offering the bottle. Great we were going to turn into drunkards before we found our life partners, I thought taking a gulp from the bottle to ignore his question. We sat there for half an hour but the pollution levels were increasing. The smoke from all the crackers was now making me cough.

Neil got up taking the last sip from the bottle and offered me his hand, "come let's go downstairs before they all lose their mind." He sounded pissed I looked at him with a small smile and took his hand.

There was whiskey on the table as both our dads drunk and the four of them were playing cards. "Come Ishu beta, if uncle loses now we all get to go out for the weekend to any vacation spot I choose," I smiled at Neil's dad and entered. My dad was drunk he called me Ishu when he was high. Everyone was looking at the cards and my dad yelled, "I knew it. My daughter is here I had to win. Bahisaab ladyluck is very important," he told Neil's father. "Maybe we should adopt Ishani or better still marry her to Neil," uncle added and everyone laughed. I felt my cheeks heat up. Dad continued, "Neil book us all a room in Mussorie, we all go tomorrow morning." Neil picked up his phone and called his agent, "Hello Neil Singh here. Please book me three rooms in Mussorie for two nights. I will be there tomorrow," he kept the phone down and everyone was looking at him with surprise. This bet was not the first one uncle lost to dad but they were all in good jest. Anyhow Neil's father broke the silence, "we all must eat and sleep on time. Ahuja Saab be ready by 5 AM. We will go with the driver. Neil & Ishani can follow in his car."

Dinner was a quick affair as maa and aunty discussed what all shopping could be managed. We said our bye and rushed home. My phone beeped a message from Neil, "balcony in 20 minutes?" I replied, "okay"

After packing a few clothes. I tool a shower and was just stepping out in a towel when I heard then wind chimes. I quickly wore my comfy night suit it was an oversized white tee and i took a shawl on top as i went out.

Neil was already trying to cross over to my balcony when i went out. "Really? Now you plan on sneaking in?," i was angry. This is how he went out today morning. But why did this thought make me angry?

Neil looked at me unaware why this anger came, he jumped over quickly and hugged me. "Are you okay Ish? Why this weird behavior? I promise everything will be fine by the time this trip ends. Don't block me out. You are all I have ," he said in a soft whisper. I felt a current run up my spine as I shivered. The late night October making me feel cold adding to the shiver. I hugged him back and said, "let's get back to how we are. Normal is what we need to behave. Good night Neil," I turned before he could see my tears and locked the door.

I cried and hid my face in the pillow to stop the noise from going out. I liked Neil but as a friend. Not only did I lose my virginity, I seem to be losing my normal relation with Neil. We were conscious of each other and my body was acting up when he was near. I wanted his friendship and the relationship we shared, not his pity. I regretted being so drunk that I forgot right and wrong.

PS I went to Rishikesh, India this week and this is an image I clicked at the famous Ganga Aarti at Triveni Ghat .