Love Me Harder✔

fifteen

He jerked back. "You've been doing something. Darcy you lost thirty four pounds. That's not normal. Have you not been eating?"

I shook my head. "I wanted to look pretty."

Derek sighed, "You're so goddamn beautiful. I love your curves. I love every single thing about you. Did I do this to you?"

I kept staring out the window. "Some of it. You hurt me."

"You scared me. You scared us all. Why would you do this?"

I looked at Derek. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he had gotten no sleep at all, "I did it because I'm not happy. I did it because I want to die and obviously that didn't work out real well did it? I'm still here, I'm still breathing and I wish I was fucking six feet under the ground."

Derek took a sharp breath, "You don't want that."

I laughed, the monitor going beeping a little more, "It's what I want. Why would I cut my wrist vertically?! I want to die! Why can't you understand that? I WANT TO BE DEAD!"

Four nurses came running into the room with a doctor behind them. I was freaking out and ripping out every wire I saw. I scratched at my wrists until I saw blood and I tried getting up but Derek tackled me back into the bed. He was sobbing all over me and then I was crying too. There was a pinch in my shoulder and I slowly started to relax and let my eyes shut. 

**

I awoke, I'm assuming the next morning. The sun was shining through the curtains and there was more bandages on my wrists. I tried to sit up but my hands were strapped down to the bed. I looked around the room and saw Derek asleep on the pull out couch and I saw my dad asleep on a cot in the corner. 

I looked around and sighed. I guess I sighed to loud because my dad sat up. "You're awake."

"I guess I am." I mumbled.

"Do you not want to be awake?" He asked me, swaying back and forth. He looks so sick.

"I actually wish I never did wake up. Why am I strapped down to the bed?"

Dad sighed and looked at Derek. "You tried hurting yourself. Derek was lucky enough to be in here."

"I don't want either of you in here."

Dad sat on the edge of the bed. "Why is that?"

"Because., you all want me to get better. I don't want to get better. I want to die. Why won't you let me do that? Grant me this one wish and make me happy, please."

Dad sighed. "I'm sending you away, Darcy."

I looked at him and laughed, "No you're not. You need my consent to do that."

Dad looked away from him, his voice cracking a little bit,  "You don't have a choice. I'm recommending it and the doctor is prescribing it. It's a place about an hour away from here and it's a seven month program. They will help you get better."

"I don't want to get better."

"You do, Darcy, you do. They will help you get better. I'm doing this because I love you. I just lost Zayn and I'm not losing another person in this family. I lost your mother and your uncle to suicide, I'm not losing my daughter as well."

I looked away from him and looked at Derek, "Whatever."

And then, my life changed forever.