Being a Payne.

chapter 33

"Zayn has something he needs to tell you." Harry spoke slowly to Holly who looked as inrigued as ever.

"I'm not gonna like it, am i?" She asked and i shook my head and rested it back in my hands. "Say it."

"I should've told you a long time ago when it first happened but to me, it means nothing so i didn't see the point in ruining what we have because of it." I hesitated.

"What? What means nothing? Can you just spit it out?" She urged and i looked at her innocent face. She'd been through so much, starting with her mum and Jack and now i was the bad guy. I'd been protecting her from all of these bad things when really, i should've protected her from me because she deserves better than what i can give her.

"In Sweden, we went clubbing." I paused, thinking of what to say. "There was this girl following me all night and i didn't give in to her, i told her i had a girlfriend. Then i went outside and i was really drunk, too drunk to think about anything." I looked up at her face; it was clear that she knew what was coming. "I met this other girl. Well, no i didn't meet her at all really. She was weirdly familiar, like i knew her before and she-"

"Kissed you?" Holly interrupted and i nodded my head.

"Yeah and that's when Harry walked out and saw me." I couldn't bare to look at her anymore. The guilt in my head was driving me insane.

"You knew and you didn't think to tell me?" She turned to Harry who was standing behind her thorughout the conversation.

"Holls, i'm sorry. I wanted Zayn to tell you and then everything happened with your mum so i left it until things blew over. You need to understand that i did it for you, not myself." Harry answered her and she shot him a look of disgust before turning back to me.

"And that's it, you kissed, that's all?" 

"Yeah, that's all."

"And you couldn't have told me that while i spent so long feeling bad for what happened with Jon? I tried so hard to make that up to you when really, you're as bad as me. If not worse. Atleast i respect you enough to tell you, i clearly didn't even deserve that."

"I forgave you for Jon straight away, you owe me one." I said without thinking, to which she raised her eyebrows at me.

"So that's why you forgave me? Because you wanted me to forgive you. You would've hated me if you hadn't done the same. You never really forgave me, you were forced to. Right okay, i think i've heard more than i wanted to."

"Holly, that came out wrong. Don't go yet, please listen to me." I shouted down the hall as she left, slamming the door behind her.

----

Eight hours passed making it 12:30am. I was back in my apartment alone untill i heard a knock on the door.

"Holly?" I asked as i opened it to find that it wasn't Holly, it was Harry.

"I assume by your reaction that Holly hasn't been here?" 

"No, why?"

"No one knows where she is and Eleanor, Rachel and Danielle are here so she's not with them."

I thought for a while before realising. "Jon."

"Jon?" Harry asked confused.

"Yeah, she's probably with Jon. It makes sense."

--HOLLY'S P.O.V--

I walked out of the club to smoke a quick cigarette. I'd been allowed entry by a security guard that i'd met at Josh's party and i made him promise he wouldn't tell the boys where i was. I couldn't deal with Zayn or Harry or facing Liam after i'd told him months ago that Zayn had changed. I knew it was hypocritical for me to be angry at Zayn but then again, i had the decency to tell him.