Colors

XVI : How Things Were

"C-can you stay like that for a moment?" I forced myself to speak.

"Why?" he got even more confused.

I dragged my steps towards him. My chest felt tight and my breaths were short. I stopped right in front of him.

I sighed, "Can you stay like this for a moment?" my voice was quiet and a little shaky.

"O-okay.." he looked at me.

I stared at his face. He looked real. My right hand made its way to his face. I traced my fingers down his cheek. It felt real. He stared back at me with his calm and soothing eyes. I could feel his warm breath breaking through the cold air.

"What's wrong?" he slowlu caught my hand and asked.

I suppose I had acted weird and made the situation really awkward for him. For I have garnered enough prove and made myself believe that he is real once again, I thought that I should break the awkwardness and act normally again. I wore my best grin and messed his bangs.

"Yah yah yah!" he tried fixing his hair.

I jogged a few steps away from him and he tried chasing after me. Only by a few meters, he managed to catch me by my backpack and pulled me backwards. But I stumbled onto him and we fell on our bums the ground. We laughed so much that our tummies were the ones hurting instead, sitting on the cold asphalt.

We then continued walking towards my home while singing the opening song from the cartoon Candy Candy from our childhood days. I hopped around walking and he sang with weird voices. We were jolly, just like how we used to be in the good times.

Finally arriving in front of my house, I approached the gate while he stayed standing on the street. I unlocked the gate and swung it open, I was gonna go in but then remembered that Jimin was there and that I should not waste any second spent with him. I turned around towards him and leaned on my gate. I braced myself to ask him,

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, right?"

There was a moment of silence before he answered,

"No."

My heart jumped.

What?

My world felt like it's crashing down all over again, there was this huge knot forming in my throat and I almost broke into tears when he suddenly opened his mouth and spoke again.

"Of course silly, don't ditch your duty to wake me up from sleep."

I took a deep breath and chuckled my tears away. Damn Park Jimin.

"Go in, I'll leave now." He walked backwards.

I stepped in the gate but turned around to take one last look at his face, for today.

"Park Jimin."

"Yeah?"

"Watch out for perverted uncles."

Reminded of our childhood, he laughed and waved at me, then turned away. I watched his back as he walked away further and further from my house, eventually dissapearing from my sight as he took a left turn.

I locked the gate and went in the house. The lights were on and my parents were still awake. My dad was sitting on the floor, sorting out old newspapers in the living room while my mom was probably baking something in the kitchen since the sounds of the mixer was blaring.

"I'm home!"

"Hello little daughter," my dad signaled me to come over.

I scooted down and hugged him. I then went over to the kitchen and saw my mom mixing a brown dough.

"Boo!" I hugged her from behind.

"Oh!" she was a little surprised and made me chuckle "Hey sweetie."

"You look so happy today, were you with Jimin?" she asked.

"Really? Yeah I was with him.."

I suddenly got reminded of Mr. Park and asked "By the way mom, have Mr. and Mrs. Park made up?"

"They have, Jimin didn't tell you? It was already about two months since they did.."

Two months?

"You know the details mom?"

"Well I don't exactly remember...." she thought for a second. "Ah! It was like, a week after you went on a date with that Kook boy?"

"Jungkook?"

"Yeah. Mr. Park came home apologizing to his family, he was thin, pale, and a total wreck. He even kneeled in front of them. After a few hours of begging, they finally decided to forgive and take him back," my mother explained.

I listened to her explanation and nodded. But then other questions popped inside of my head.

So it was a week after Jimin's....death?

But was he never dead?

"Mom, about Jimin..." I gulped. "Where was Jimin the last two months?"

"What are you talking about? Didn't you guys hang together all the time? He even came over yesterday.."

What?

I felt so confused yet relieved at the same time. I told my mother and father that I'm going to my bedroom to rest.

I locked myself inside my own room and put my bag away. The calendar on my desk showed that it was May 20th. I sighed and threw myself on the bed.

What a long day.

After lying for a few minutes, I sat up and replayed the events that had happened today in my head. I thought about Jimin, how he suddenly appeared and called my name, how his eyes curved when he smiled. I thought about his lame jokes, his satisfied laugh each time he teased me, how his face glowed under the streetlight, and his warmth when I had hugged him earlier today. I smiled at the memory and felt my heart race.

But then the image of him lying lifeless on the tub suddenly barged into my mind, the memory of feeling his cold skin and the view of his photograph surrounded by wreaths came right after.

No... Not again.

I closed my eyes tight and prayed.

"Lord, thank you for Jimin... Thank you for giving him back to me," I muttered.

"But please.... Don't let this be only a dream... Please don't... Please..."

I have no idea of what is currently happening yet didn't want it to fly away from my grasp. I felt so weak towards the whole universe and life. I was very thankful for Jimin was back by my side, but on the same time I was afraid. I was afraid that things would turn against my favor again, that I would have to face the pain of losing Jimin again. With my eyes closed and my hands folded, I cried out all of the tears I had held back earlier the day.

I don't even know if it was tears of joy or fear.

_______________

* = addressing to a father of a very close friend / lover