It's a Beautiful Life

Chapter Six

Jesse’s POV

      Life was unfair, as if our life wasn’t difficult enough. Fate decided to make it ten times hard for us. Maybe we had it too easy lately and fate just wanted to step in and remind us. As if we hadn’t gone through enough, fate is always there to remind us that we aren’t supposed to have it easy.

      Five months and we still couldn’t get anyone to approve us. They all had the same excuse; we were too young and only had one source of income. It angered me because I had to see my husband cry every time we were rejected. It wasn’t fair, we would be great parents but nobody was taking the time to see that.

      Now Adrian didn’t want to try anymore, “Jay I can’t take another rejection.” He told me the last time we went. I couldn’t blame him, he wanted a baby so bad and to be told you can’t have one because you’re not ready broke his heart every time.

      Every time I was there holding him while he cried his eyes out and it broke my heart every time. The one thing he wanted most in life, he was being told he couldn’t have. Sometimes I wished we had the money to pay a surrogate. It would be a whole lot easier than having to go through an adoption agency.

      I had even gotten a second job to bring in more money, for them to see that we had enough of an income to have a baby. I had even hoped since I had turned twenty-five it would make a difference. However that didn’t change their minds, it was just another thing for them to use against us.

      If it wasn’t legal for a gay couple to adopt, I would say they were using that against us, but it wasn’t. I had seen many other gay couples adopt but at the same time they were older then us. I eventually ended up quitting my second job, there was no need to keep it if it wasn’t going to help us get approve to adopt.

      Now it was December and a week until Christmas, it should be a joyful time for us but it isn’t. Adrian’s heart just wasn’t into celebrating the holidays lately. He didn’t even want to put up our Christmas decorations, but I was able to get him to help me. It had cheered him up a little but of course it didn’t last long.

      His happy moods never lasted long, any little thing always reminded him of how bad he wanted a baby but couldn’t have one. Just because someone always thought we just weren’t ready to raise one.

      “Baby what do you want for dinner?” I asked as I came home from work. It was the start of our Christmas break and Adrian was done with his semester as well. We were going to have two weeks together before I had to return back to work.

      “Whatever you feel like making Jay,” he said from the sofa, he was curled up at one end with a thick blanket over him. This was how he spent most of his time; it was almost as he was just giving up on living.

      “Ok baby, I think I’ll just make us some chicken noodle and grill cheese that sound good to you?” I asked as I sat down next to him and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

      “Yeah that sounds good,” he wrapped his arms around my neck and sat on my lap. “Jay why does god hate us?” he started to cry, I wrapped my arms around him tight. He cried as I held him, he only did this when he saw something about a baby. “We are good people Jay, why doesn’t anyone want to give us a chance?” he continued to cry only stopping enough to say it’s not fair.

      “I know baby, it’s not fair but we have to stay strong and not give up.” It was the same speech I gave him every time he broke down like this. I was using it a lot lately; I don’t think it was comforting him anymore. He just wanted to be a dad so bad, but everyone was so quick to tell him he wasn’t ready.