Dangerous Allure

Exposure

Emily

Never in all my years had the air bitten so deeply, like winter itself had crawled inside my bones. I stumbled through the door of my room and collapsed onto the edge of the bed, fighting the sobs that were already stinging behind my eyes, turning everything soft and watery.

How could Jack do this to me?

After everything we'd built, year after year.

I'd been so certain he had truly loved me, but the evidence had just shattered that illusion.

Barging into that hotel room like a maniac and seeing him with someone else, and he hadn't even bothered to run after me, to call out an apology.

Why did betrayal keep finding me? He wasn't the first. With the others, I'd told myself it was because the emotional connection never quite matched the physical one. But Jack was my husband, we'd shared so much more than bodies, we'd shared dreams, routines, futures. I'd let myself believe he was my forever. Now that certainty lay in pieces.

I pushed myself upright and shuffled to the mirror. My reflection stared back, cheeks streaked, eyes swollen and red.

There had to be something broken inside me.

It had to be my fault.

The urge to escape my own skin was overwhelming. I needed distance from myself.

In the bathroom I scrubbed away the ruined mascara, then splashed cold water over my face until my skin felt raw. Back in the bedroom, I snatched my keys and left. I didn't know where I was headed, I only knew I couldn't stay in that house drowning in memories of him.

A few random turns later I found myself at the entrance of a Circus. The sight of those familiar stone benches eased something in my chest, just for a second. As I stepped forward, my foot caught on the half sawn tree stump still jutting from the ground, and the past rushed in.

The day Jack and I had said our vows. His hand looped in mine, both of us laughing as we left the garden that day. Me tripping over the same stubborn stump. Him grumbling about how the groundskeepers never finished the job.

We had met when I was in my final year in the university. It didn't take long for me to realize he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As soon as I graduated, we got married, just the two of us. I was an orphan and in his case, none of his family showed.

I never asked questions, as long as I had him, it was enough. So, I kept quiet about it for five years.

For five years I was married to a man whose family I had never met. And now that he had betrayed me, there was no single person to turn to.

I shook my head hard, trying to dislodge the image, but once I looked deeper into the field the memories multiplied. The two of us under the mistletoe, mapping out how many kids we'd have, what their names might be. Him pressing me gently against the signpost, kissing me while strangers whooped and whistled around us. The moments kept coming.

I spun on my heel and fled, but the city refused to let me go. His favorite bar on the corner. The little bookshop owned by his oldest friend. The salon where he always got that precise fade. Every street carried his ghost.

By the time I realized it, I was standing outside my own door again.

I didn't just want to leave the house. I had to leave the whole damn city.