Society (Phan)

Chapter Five

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Some how I made it home, it must of taken at least three hours, but I'm home. I'm too drunk to remember where I located my key, so I'll have to knock.

I silently knocked three times, hoping it was loud enough for someone in my house to notice. I stood there for about thirty seconds until, to my surprise, Adam opened the door. He put a finger to my lips and motioned a silent 'shh' before taking me to the lounge and sitting me down on the couch. Turning the lights on down stairs, with the exception of the down stairs hall to avoid disturbing our parents, got me a glass of water and some paracetamol to pre-cure the horrific hangover I was sure to endure later. I took the paracetamol and necked immediately the glass of refreshing water.

Adam then disappeared upstairs, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I'm so upset with myself. How can people do this without feeling any unwanted emotion after? The feeling of purging an unwanted emotion by a cathartic way will eventually emit delectation, why do I not feel this yet?

The amount of self hatred right now is too much to comprehend. I stagger into the kitchen and grab yet another beer, not helping my already shit hangover. I open it silently, and take a massive swig. I need this.

It's my party now and I'll cry if I want to. Society is so hard just to be accepted in, it's like 'no one will love you if you're unattractive' or 'you don't have a lot of money'. It's bullshit.

I drink the whole thing in the second drink and instantly get a new one, I need this and it's not like my parents will find out, I just need to remove the evidence and drink away the pain.

I stop and let the darkness engulf me, allowing me to finally be myself.

-

The rest of the weekend was very uneventful, I spent the next day and a half recovering from self hatred and a God awful hangover. My parents never found out because thankfully, Adam kept his mouth shut.

On Sunday my Mum left for an important business trip late on the Sunday evening and my Dad claims to have to rush to his mothers for a birthday celebration tomorrow.

Adam fucked off God knows where so now I have the house to myself before and after school for the next few days.

I get into school fifteen minutes late and completely miss form, running and loosing my breath as I run to my first lesson, English, which I unfortunately share with Phil.

When I finally arrive, everyone else is sat down and intensely listening to what the teacher is saying about this terms project. Casually sliding into my seat and trying to get engage conversation with Phil, as I unluckily fail, and actually tune into what the teacher is saying.

"Right so yeah you're gonna hate me for this," My English teacher, Miss Jackson, who is a nasty piece of work and cares more about the work pay than the students education, drones on about this 'project' I presume is about to take place, "Your next project is once again Jekyll and Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. I am fully aware that you have studied this for the last few years but this is a really important part of your exams. You will be paired up with your partner and the two people in front of you and Niomi and Tanya please join Marcus and Jim for the final four, and one of you come and collect this sheet."

Another project with Phil, one with PJ and the other with Caspar, this is sure to end abysmally.

Miss Jackson continues to speak in monotony about this project, whilst I need to work out a way to repair mine and Phil's 'friendship'.

I rip out the corner of my English book and scribble yet another apology out to Phil that he yet again won't accept. I can understand this time as it is genuinely serious.

He doesn't accept which I completely understand but get slightly pissed about. Does he not realise my power by now and what I am capable of? Why is he being a dick?

Bored of trying to reason with Phil, I doodle some words and miscellaneous song lyrics onto the paper. 'Mama' by My Chemical Romance suddenly springs into my head as I find myself softly humming it and saying the words under my breath.

"Mama, we all go to hell," I mutter with tune. I continue my serenade under my breath until Phil finally speaks up.

"Shut up, I am trying to pay attention to the project that you probably won't help with but when you are sing M-C-R it's kinda hard to focus so shut up, and yeah, you will go to Hell you prick" He angrily whisper shouts.

Well, he's sure to accept my apology soon, I just need to be persistent. If he can talk to me once I've annoyed him, then I'll do the same until he accepts it.

After all, he is weak and doesn't fit in the higher hierarchy of acceptable society...

A/N just for clarification really - I am not homophobic in anyway, I strongly support the LGBT+.