Society (Phan)

Chapter Three

I put some Green Day 'American Idiot' on, listening to 'Wake Me Up When September Ends', thinking how relevant this song actually is right now. It was the start of a new year, new term and I just can't cope with the stress another school year will bring to me. Being toured round the school was like an intimate tour of Hell on Earth yet alone sitting in the lessons.

The music allowed the darkness of sleep to once again take over me.

-

It was lunch the next day, and things today had really kicked off. Tyler had Phil pressed against the lockers whilst Chris was doubled over on the floor.

I was late coming out of my lesson so I had missed whatever had kicked off this ambush. My existence was unknown for about one minute until Troye had to ruin it. Fucking  fantastic.

"Hey, Dan! Come join in the fun, mate, you're really missing out on beating the shit out of this prick!" What? I can't just beat him, come one PJ, just come round the corner, where are you?

"Yeah come on Dan, take over from Troye and take a punch." Alfie chimed.

I couldn't risk being called a 'pussy' again by various members of the school. I have to beat the shit out of someone I have to work on a project of someone. This will not go well.

I took him gently by the collar and looking to the floor. Some of the jocks where starting to get pissed and shouting things like 'do it already'. I had no choice. PJ hadn't come, I was actually going to do this.

I brought my left fist up and held Phil by his collar with my right, mouthing a rapid 'I'm sorry' to him, that hopefully no one else could see, I brought my fist to his jaw.

My world came caving in, I had hit him, my fist still tingling from the impact, he was sure to have a mark. The jocks came round and patted my back, congratulating me. The wave of guilt continuously washing over me came into realisation. I had to get away. Now.

"Yeah, aha," I awkwardly laughed, "Sorry lads, gotta go, I told, erm, Lucy that I would meet her." I thought of the first slut that would do literally anything, anywhere, that I would meet her. They bought it and I ran. Ran faster that I have ever run before. My legs taking me places my mind never thought of, I ran to the toilets. I can just wait here for an hour, that's the time remaining of this Hell. I realised I would be missing important but that can wait. I felt guilt and more panic when I realised I had Art first thing in the morning with Phil. This literally couldn't get any worse, fuck.

I slid down to ground level with self-delectation and with my body as the shock of what I had just done continued to play in my mind. I am such a dick, I beat the crap out of someone I hardly knew.

-

I had ran out of the school after the final bell and crawled straight into bed, trying to forget the world. Music wouldn't even calm me down right now, I was a mess. I hate this so much, I don't know if I can do this for the next few years of my life. What am I doing? Why does society have to mess with people, change who they are, just so one more person can reach delectation. This person who I am now, shouldn't deserve to be alive, I'm not suited for this. I just need to make my parents happy, the wouldn't want a failure of a son, like I am, the love Adam because of how he is, he's like this sincerely, unlike I, who am acting. If they can love Adam for the prick is, they can love me, right?

I woke up the next morning and instantly remembered the thing I did yesterday. I must continue. People will like me when I am like this, no, they will love me, and that's all I need. I did the usual routine and made the walk to school, avoiding everyone and everything. I missed form because I couldn't of got there because there was too many people there who had seen me do what despicable thing I did yesterday and I couldn't be arsed to the interrogation and more congratulations.

What is seriously wrong with this world? Thinking that it is acceptable to do such depraved acts of humanity and get away with it and be congratulated. I just don't understand.

I walked into Art late, not really caring before smiling to Alfie and Marcus who laughed in return and sat down next to Phil.

The teacher was mid registration, I decided this would be the best time to apologise. I knew that Phil wasn't going to take this well, I don't blame him, but I need to do this, I can't take this any longer.

"Look Phil, I'm really sorry okay? Can we just forget about it, I wasn't myself yesterday I'm sorry." That's true, I wasn't and never will I be again.

Silence.

"Phil, please don't ignor-"

"Boys at the back, Dan and Phil, please stop talking." Alfie and Marcus laughed. Pricks.

To me, and I am sure him, this was not a satisfactory apology, but now I couldn't talk.

Deciding that this was the best thing that I could do, I got some scrap paper from my sketchbook and once again wrote the same apology.

He glanced at it before returning back to the front. Crap, he wasn't going to take this well at all.

I pressured him again but this time he accepted it. He took in his hands, whilst I was smiling he had accepted it. He looked at it before his glanced turned to my direction. Phil then ripped it.

This is going to be the hardest term for a very long time...