hotel room (halsey)

17

Ashley

I walked to the hotel on the cold, cracked sidewalk, the small rocks on the ground scraping my feet. I sucked in a huge breath and tried not to cry, but the physical pain was getting just as bad as my emotional pain at the moment.

I took as long as I could to return to the hotel because I was completely ashamed of myself. I didn't want to have to face Maya and tell her how much of a shitty person I am.

Sighing, I arrived to the hotel and knocked hesitantly, looking down at my bleeding feet as I waited for the door to open.

A very happy, smiley Maya greeted me at the door, her smile immediately dropping as she caught a glance of me. She let out a worried gasp and stared at me, too shocked to move.

I ignored her and walked straight past her, heading to the bathroom to clean myself up. If I looked her in the eyes, I would lose it.

Boosting myself up onto the bathroom counter, I pulled out antiseptic to clean the bottom of my cracked and bloody feet. I hissed as the liquid seeped into the fresh cuts, causing a sudden and strong burn.

"Ashley," Maya breathed out from the doorway, looking at me with her caring eyes. Right when I saw how pained she was, I gulped, trying my best to hold back the tears.

"What happened?" She questioned, walking over to help me clean up. I pushed her away and walked out of the bathroom, continuing to ignore her. I slid my clothes off and wore a large shirt, laying back against the headboard of the bed and staring at the ceiling.

She sat at the foot of the bed, playing with the edges of the blanket.

"Did I do something?" She squeaked out, her voice quiet and shaky.

My hands began to tremble and I felt water building up in the corner of my eyes, ready to drip down my face at any moment. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying and lowered my eyes to look at her, my vision blurring with tears.

"Leave, Maya. We can't be together anymore," I tried to say bravely, but failed because my voice cracked.

"W-what?"

"I fucked up so bad. God, Maya, I really fucked it all up," I choked out, tears now falling quickly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She said nervously.

"I cheated on you. I threw everything down the trash, Maya. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," I cried, repeating my apologies.

Her jaw dropped, her body becoming stiff with shock.

"H-how, W-what?" She said sadly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"At the club tonight. God, I'm sorry, Maya. I just lost the best thing in my life. I'm the worst," I cried out, burying my face in my hands.

Maya laughed bitterly, grabbing my attention. I looked up through my tears and saw her sitting with her arms folded, her face adorned with a scowl.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because I was pathetic enough to think that you actually cared about me. I knew it was too good to be true," She scoffed, wiping her eyes. "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"Nothing, babe, I swear," I cried out, pleading her to listen. "I was drunk off my ass and I had no idea what I was doing."

"What did you do? Kiss her? Finger her? Fuck her senseless?" She spat, staring at me with anger.

I gulped and looked down at my lap.

"We kissed. She fingered me," I mumbled, my voice barely audible.

She began to laugh, clapping her hands.

"Wow, so cool!" She exclaimed with fake excitement. "Best girlfriend award goes to you! How was it? Did she go deep?" She said, her voice raising the angrier she got.

"Stop," I choked out. "You know I regret it more than anything in my life."

"Oh, do you? I bet you weren't complaining when she had her fingers in you!"

"Maya, enough," I said through clenched teeth.

"Okay, you're right. Let me stop. It's not that important, anyways. You only cheated on me with some bitch you met at a club," She shrugged, sarcastically retaliating.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," I sighed, wiping my tears with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Yeah, it wasn't, but it did so it's too late. Can't do anything about it now but split up and move on with our lives. Once a cheater, always a cheater," She said with a blank expression on her face. I knew it was killing her on the inside, but she put on a mask to guard her from her true emotions.

"No, we can't break up," I spoke suddenly, earning a laugh from her.

"Do you really expect me to stay with someone who willingly broke my fucking heart?"

"I was drunk, Maya! I know that doesn't excuse my actions, but I'm fucking sorry. The guilt is eating me up on the inside and I feel like shit. I can't even look at myself in the mirror because of how ashamed I am," My voice cracked.

Maya sighed and looked straight into my eyes.

"It was fun while it lasted, Ashley. Thanks for the memories. I'll never forget you," She smiled sadly, gulping to hold back tears.

"So, that's it? We can't even be friends? We're just gonna act like we never met in the first place?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing.

"Guess so," She said, getting up to put all my clothes away in a bag.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing your stuff up. You can sleep in your car tonight. We'll figure out what's gonna happen in the morning," Maya replied robotically, shoving the last of my things in the bag. She threw it at me when she was done, the bag flying straight into my arm, hitting it roughly.

I hissed in pain and clutched the bag to my side, watching her slam the door shut as she made her way to the living room.

I grabbed my things and looked back at the room before I walked out, recalling all the memories we shared in this bedroom.

On my way out, I walked over to Maya who laid on the couch with her back facing me. Her quiet sobs filled the room, making the moment sadder than before.

Bending down, I kissed her temple and walked away, sighing.

"Goodnight," I breathed out sadly, shutting the door on my way out.

Tonight would be spent in my car, laying on my stiff seats with a blanket and a head full of memories.

I turned the heater up, letting the warm air engulf my bare arms and legs. Shutting my eyes, I tried my best to sleep, but my mind was running in a million different directions, not planning to stop anytime soon.

Let's see what the morning will bring.