Sunset Miracles (temp on hold)

Chapter 8

It's like a rip. The mess I'm in. You can fix it, sew it back together, but the stitching will always come undone at some point or another. The hole just reopens without any care in the world. Like it's telling you to re-stitch it. To close it up again. You can do whatever you want with the hole, but with the constant rubbing, you're going to reopen it. Maybe worse than before. Maybe less. But, nonetheless, it's still the same.

My room door opened, and a sleepy looking Blake entered, rubbing his eyes to waken himself up. "Rosie came in, jumping on me to waken me up. She told me that you were puking in something."

"Uh, yeah. I took two painkillers while my throat was dry and one got stuck, prompting me to throw up," I explained.

"Why were you taking painkillers at 4am?" He asked, sitting beside me on my bed.

"I had a nightmare."

"Of Joel?"

"Of the attack. I remember what happened and how exactly I ended up in hospital. I remember him beating me senseless, breaking my ribs and my wrist. Of how I put my hand up to protect myself and that Miguel burst in the door for Mrs Calderwood. And that Mrs Calderwood tried to break up the fight before it got serious. Of how he cut all my clothes off after he dragged me across the floor. Of how he hurt me sexually. Of how he called me all the unholy names of the world. I just want to unsee the whole thing but now it's started, I know it's not going to stop."

"I think it's time for you to go see Mrs Flora. She's a psychiatrist and she's part of your after care. She wanted to see you before you left the hospital but it came too quick for her and because you didn't remember anything, she felt you fit to be by yourself. However, she did say that if things got worse, I was just to phone her and make an appointment for you."

"I have a psychiatrist?"

"Yeah, you do. Mrs Flora is someone who helps you. She's someone to talk to, when you feel like you can't talk to us. And what do you mean that he cut off your clothes?" Blake asked seriously.

"Exactly that. I was naked. He stripped me of everything. I got in the door and he whacked me with the baseball bat. He dragged me across the floor to the doorway between the kitchen and living room, and he cut my clothes off."

"That's not what he told the court."

"What did he say?" I queried.

"He said that you stripped yourself. That you forced yourself upon him. That Miguel just barged in on his own behalf. That's why he only got 15 years. He lied through the skin of his teeth. But, he got found out about the assault upon you. They did a rape test while you were sedated. I allowed it since you weren't able to say for yourself. So he was put away for the sexual assault, the drugs in your system and the assault he did on you with a deadly weapon."

"I feel so insulted that he got so little for something so severe. I feel like nothing else will make sense anymore."

"Niamh, things are going to take time to get back to normal. Normal might seem foreign to you right now but just know that we love you. And we'll always be here if you need a chat. Okay?"

"It might seem stupid with what I'm going to say, but I feel a burden to you all sometimes. I feel like I could've stopped the pain that Joel thrust upon me. I could've said no to him meeting up at his home or something. I just don't know. But I feel somewhat responsible for everything he's done to me."

"You are NOT responsible for what he did to you. He did that to you without your consent. He hurt you and he had no right to hurt you. He did things to you that no one should ever have done to them. This isn't your fault."