My Calling

Twenty Nine - When I Look At You

Chapter Twenty Nine

This chapter is dedicated to Laura, I know I've dedicated to Laura before but she is honestly a beautiful human being. We may not talk often or anything like that but her comments are precious and they allllways put a smile on my face.

That doesn't mean I don't care or notice anyone else because I do, I lvoe every single one of you who have commented, voted and read my story. You're all amazing. xxx

The waiting game is harder than I first thought. It’s actually painful to go home and wait, more hope that Wes calls. Or visits. Or texts. Or something. Eddie calls me to remind me about my first gig in Hollywood to get my album moving. He says it’s in a few days so I need to run over some more of my Live Performances. He tells me to choose some songs to sing and I don’t have to think twice about which ones I’ll do. I tell him which ones and he isn’t surprised either. He instructs me to drop by the studio to work on vocals and everything. I know what I’m doing but he wants it perfect.

So I go into the studio for something to do. I hope it takes my mind of Wes, I can’t just twiddle my thumbs and fawn around for him. What’s done is done. Being in the studio helps though, I put all my effort and thought into perfecting my performances. It feels good to be working hard. I know I should be wanting a rest because I’ve had a hectic start to the year but I’ve fallen into a pattern of working and now it’s just … the norm.

Ally and I discuss what I’m going to wear and it doesn’t take long, I think I’ve finally found my style so it makes it easier on her to pick things out for me. I still like to wear heels but not skyscrapers and I still prefer jeans to skirts but I can deal if I have to. And make-up, I’ve managed to tone down. I only wear it if I’m going somewhere important, not somewhere irrelevant like the super market.

The day before my gig, I still haven’t heard from Wes and my spirits are starting to droop. I call Miley and tell her what’s going on and she tells me I should go over there but I don’t want to feel like I’m pushing him, so I don’t. Eddie tells me he’ll call but I get a feeling they’re hollow words. I try not to phone watch but I can’t help it. I even have the ringer on full volume so I won’t miss it. It’s border line pathetic, I know, but now that I’ve spilled everything to Wes, I want him to call. There’s nothing worse than spilling your feelings and getting shut down. Drew might be wrong after all, I might not get one second of happiness and then everything will have been for a waste of time.  

The day of the gig comes around and I have to go to the venue. I’m kind of feeling low over the Wes situation so Eddie and Ally do their best to cheer me up. It doesn’t really work. Even though I feel I’ve sorted the Wes situation, he still manages to distract me. It’s as if my thoughts can never steer away from him. He’s on my mind constantly and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

In the lead up to my performance, I try to cheer up for the sake of my fans. There’s been a impressive turn out and I want to at least put a good performance on for them. The venue is hot and I feel myself sweating even before I’m on stage. I have to take off my leather jacket so I’m only wearing my tank top. I half wished I had decided on the skirt rather than the skinny jeans I’m wearing right now, they’re sticking to my skin like glue and it’s making me feel uncomfortable.

I count down the minutes to my performance and my chosen my songs. Of course I’ve chosen the three I wrote, it only seems logical. I’m doing them in the order I wrote them because again, it seems logical to me. I was thinking of doing the first two acoustically but Eddie wanted it to be a big affair so he pulled out all the stops.

Gripping the microphone tightly, I’m called on stage. Eddie and my team wish me luck and after daubing a smile on my face, I run out and greet the crowd. Thankfully, just seeing them puts me at ease. I’m able to let go. When I’m on stage, it’s just me and my music. I barely notice anything else. It’s like I’m in a trance, caught up in a whirlwind of performing so that my fans enjoy it. I aim to please them because without them, I wouldn’t be where I am today.