Only the Good Die Young

Chapter Five

Now his death seems like a positive change to my life. It shouldn't be. Michelle's kid won't have a father. But I have Eric. It would be selfish to think that overall, we benefitted from him leaving us permanently.

My whole mind is thrown off balance. The equilibrium I've been experiencing lately can only be short lived. It'll all come back. There may be temporary distractions but I'll be depressed forever. All of this happiness is fake.

"Ryleigh, are you feeling alright?" My mom asked. I looked at the three women staring at me. My cheeks were wet and my eyes were blurry.

"Yeah, I just can't believe that Homecoming is tomorrow!" I replied, trying to hide it. Michelle looked like she could see right through it.

"As expected! You're going with Eric, a.k.a. strongest guy in town, a.k.a. your boyfriend! I'd be thrilled, too," Michelle  said, going along with it. Although her smile was bright, her eyes drooped and I could tell she started thinking about him, too.

While the first coat was drying, Mom and Mrs. Frederickson started a conversation about how almost nothing has changed since they were in high school. Michelle and I decided not to partake. In bigger cities, we'd hear about parents talking about how much their high schools have changed. I like that here, everything is different. Simon used to have the biggest criminal record, and all he had was a slightly large amount of tardies and detentions.

After a little while, the second coat, accent color, and top coat were done and dry. Mom kept talking to Mrs. Frederickson for a few minutes afterwards, but I didn't complain.

I'm a rather patient person, but I hope I don't have to go through that again for the winter dance or Prom. Nails are overrated anyway, right? Michelle kept telling me how nice they look and how happy she is that I stopped biting them a few months ago. I'm just glad I can drum my fingers on a desk and make noise.

Michelle asked her mom if she could spend Friday and Saturday at my house. Of course, Karen was glad to see Michelle doing better, so she said yes. So while we sat in my bedroom at six at night, she began giving every kind of scenario.

"If you want to have sex, make sure you have some sort of birth control. You're boyfriend better not be dying anytime soon, so your children can wait," Michelle said, once we were in my room, supposedly getting ready for the game, even though we already are.

"We aren't going to have sex. I can guarantee that won't happen for a few months at least," I replied, refusing the bottle of morning after pills she was holding. "Wait, why didn't you take those?"

"I..."

"Michelle."

"I wanted it, okay? I felt, if I did end up pregnant, Simon would take me away. We'd move, get married, go to college, start a family."

"What about me?" I asked, trembling.

"I promise, I would tell you where we were so you could see us. Ryleigh, you're amazing, anyone would be your friend if you let them."

I took a minute to ponder the thought. Is the reason I only have two friends is because I don't want any more? I don't need any more. I was happy with just Michelle and Simon. I'm still happy with just Michelle and Eric. I don't even know if I could let another person in. We're so close to leaving for college. It's already bad enough that I'm leaving the two that I have. Four years without either of them.