Random Bits of My Brain

A Moment of Weakness

I stare at my hands, clenched in fists in my lap. Somewhere in the back of my brain, it registered that my legs were a lot more tan than I thought, contrasting with the brown piano bench. Tears prick at the back of my eyes, making my nose tingle. 

It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I bear the hefty weight of my piano teacher's stare, her disappointed stare, almost crushing me in the process. 

"What are you trying to do? Do you lack logic? Or are you just not dedicated enough?" Her matter-of-fact tone cut deeper than any knife could. She sighs and sits back, clearly done with me. 

"Hey when is she done? It's taking forever..." I heard a mildly stuffy murmur from beyond the curtain separating the piano room from the waiting room.

"Dude, hush," a smoother, gentler voice whispered back. 

Now, my eyes fill with tears of embarrassment. So they had heard, they'd heard me getting reprimanded. At this point, I knew that I'd never be accepted into their group, this group of elite pianists formed tightly over the years of lessons. 

"If you haven't improved by the run through this weekend, I have no choice but to take you out of the competition," my piano teacher finished, folding her hands in her lap and pursing her lips. 

I nod my head furiously, eyes blinking faster than stars twinkle. 

With a wave of her hand, I scurry from the piano bench, as if made from hot coals. I gather all my books and music scores together, gently tapping them on the bench for more organization. 

As my teacher calls the next student in, leaving for the other piano room, Julian enters. I feel my cheeks flush a dark pink, my head bowed as I can't bear to face someone who heard me being ridiculed. My pride wouldn't allow it. 

I stuff the papers into my bag, wobbling slightly in my performance shoes because my legs were slightly numb. Sliding a glance at Julian, I clear my throat slightly, then speak up.

"I'm sorry for taking up your time," I apologize, voice hardly above a hoarse whisper. 

"No, it's fine," Julian replies, his voice gentle and completely nonchalant. 

Not sure whether he saw it or not, I bow my head to him, and turn quickly to exit the room, just as a tear escapes from the corner of my eye. I quickly push past the curtains, slipping into the chairs outside to remove my shoes. 

Whilst slipping them into my bag, taking care not to crumple my music, the most heartbreaking, beautiful, and gentle song sneaks from under and around the curtains to cover me. Wiping my eyes and peering through the white, linen curtains, I briefly watch the back of Julian as he pours his heart and soul into his playing. 

Feeling more tears start to prickle at my eyes, I swiftly stand from the creaky, old chair and hurry out the door. The sun stings at my eyes, and I blink as they get used to the light difference. Wiping my eyes once more and taking another deep breath, I paste a smile on my face as I round the corner and head towards my mom's car. 

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Late that night, I curl up on bed, my heart pounding at a hundred miles a minute, tightening and contracting. There was a certain pressure in my head and chest, something unidentifiable. 

As I pant in quick breaths, more tears slip from the outer corner of my right eyes and the inner corner of my left. Thoughts of what awaited me that weekend tear me apart, and I pull at my hair while twisting and turning to and fro. 

Suddenly, that beautiful melody I'd heard earlier echoes at the back of my brain. The sweet, gentle melody reminded me so much of Julian and his sweet, gentle voice. My heart slowed down to a "normal" pace, and the pressure within my skull lightened considerably. 

Holding onto his kindness at that moment comforted me to sleep. 

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A/N: yes, this is based on a real life event. I've changed the name(s), but it's 100% real. See, the person this is about isn't even that nice, but that moment kinda hit me like a truck. At that moment, I was just so upset and now, the song on the side (Every Heart) really helps me to cope. I suggest you listen to it, it's very pretty.