Gamble a.i

50. "Recently added, unedited"

Two weeks. Two full, long weeks. Time didn't seem to pass, and when it did, it was far too slow for my liking. I went to school, avoided Ashton, didn't talk to anyone. That's how it went.

Now, though, I sit in English with Ashton just across the room. I can feel him staring daggers into the side of my head. I don't care. Maybe I do. I don't know anymore.

My teacher moved the desks out and we all sat on beanbags or pillows. Erica is holding my hand, because God knows I'm nervous. I added onto Ashton's biography just in spite.

I can't even think of him without cringing.

I listen to people drone on about their partner, but I don't really listen. I've been so out of it, so depressed. All I do is stare at the wall. I don't eat, I barely sleep, and when I do, I wake up with nightmares.

"Mackayla?" Erica nudges me. I look to the front to see Ashton at the podium. He looks different. Cheeks sunken in, eyes dark, bloodshot. I want him to feel the pain I am. I need him to.

"I did a bad thing," Ashton admits, looking down. "I hurt someone I love."

He takes a deep breath and continues.

"Mackayla Rene Brooke is one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. She's lost and loved, hated and fought. She's so strong, so beautiful, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hurt her. I promised myself I wouldn't hurt her. I promised her I wouldn't hurt her. And yet, I did. I hurt her the worst she's ever been hurt. I can see it in her eyes, even though she doesn't look at me anymore. I've already turned in my paper, so I just want to use this as a time to apologize.

"I'm so, so sorry. Words cannot describe how sorry I am, in fact, sorry doesn't even cover it," Ashton says, looking directly at me. "I see how much I hurt you. You avoid me, you probably hate me. I hate me. This is the only way you'll hear me. You are the best part of my life. You always will be. If you don't believe that I love you, I wish you would. To everyone in this room, I love Mackayla will all my heart. I want to spend my life with her, and I know some of you are shaking your head because you can't comprehend love this strong.

"I've ruined everything. I've ruined the person I love. I've ruined the only person I've every truly loved or will love. So um, here's some of my favorite moments with her... Babe, I love you," Ashton steps down, and the teacher starts playing the video.

In front of my eyes, a montage of pictures and videos play to the back ground of Drops of Jupiter, our song. I see myself, happier than ever, and I'm surprised at how much I changed. It's only three minutes, and it's soon over. I guess I'm worth three minutes and fifty dollars.

I don't cry. I walk up to the podium, strong headed. I won't break down. I'm too numb anyways.

"Well, it seems like the entire school has seen parts of my life on video, why not add more, right? Everyone give it up for Ashton," I say with an edge, clapping my hands slowly. No one joins in. "I guess it's not as funny anymore, watching me go through a mental breakdown everyday of school," I laugh coldly. "Let's get to it, then."

"Alright," I sigh, starting to read my essay. "Blah, blah, blah- oh, I'll read this part. Recently added, unedited, mind you.

"Ashton, although seemingly sweet, is a total ass. He does what he wants, anytime he wants and frankly doesn't give a shit about who he hurts, contrary to the bull shit he's feeding you. Tell me, if he truly loved me, why hasn't he tried to talk to me? Things could've gone back to semi-normal if he would've tried, but no, I'm not worth that. I'm only worth fifty dollars, not his time. It's been two weeks. But, to be honest, I'm done wasting my time on him. I don't believe in love, anyways.

"Yadda, yadda, yadd, hmmm, okay. He took my diary in terms to "know me better". He lied to me, hid things from me and literally showed everyone my ass. What a boyfriend, huh? Yeah, I wanted to spend my life with him, too. But that's in the past now. So, here's some pictures of him I've been dying to get off my phone. As a matter of fact, one of you sluts can have the flash drive after it's done playing." I throw a peace sign in the air before leaving the room.

I don't make it far in the hallway before I collide to the floor, sobs escaping my mouth. The door opens and I stand, wiping the tears from my eyes, even though it's evident that I've been crying.

I turn, coming face to face with Ashton. "Don't cry, baby," he whispers, wiping my still falling tears.

"It hurts," I sob, clutching onto him, probably ruining his shirt.

"It hurts me, too," he croaks, crying as well. "But maybe we need to take a break and come back to each other."

I pull away from him and stumble back. "You just made this big speech about wanting to spend your life with me. Why are you ending it?"

"We both need time," he whispers, cupping my face in his hands.

"Promise me we'll come back to each other," I cry. "I can't lose you, too."

"I can't make a promise I might break." He kisses my forehead. "But you will be apart of my life, I'll make sure of it."

"Ashton, I love you," I murmur, eyes fluttering at his touch. It's been too long.

"I love you more than you'll ever know." He steps back, dropping all contact. "Goodbye, Mac."

I watch him walk away, and that's how I knew it was truly over.

He called me Mac.