Not My Cup Of Tea

Beautiful Eyes

"My lady, it's morning." Grace said nudging my shoulder, I told her about last night's dinner issue.

"I don't want to get up Grace." I mumbled rolling over, last night's crying wore me out.

"Fresh air will do you good." She urged.

"Then open the prthole, if you would like to go on deck go ahead. I just need a bit more rest." She sighed and opened the porthole before walking out.

I snuggled back into the thin blanket and rock hard matress. I am going to have to tell her that we are going back home sooner or later but I don't want her to be disappointed so soon. I will have to start packing.

I slipped out of the covers and changed into a light blue dress that came just above my knees, much higher than commonly allowed to wear in public, but a perfect fit for sea faring. It had a thin peace of fabric that was used to sinch around my waist and had capped sleeves.

Brushing my hair back into a loose bun, I started shuving my clothes back into my suitcase.

A soft knock on the door interrupted me.

"Grace, you can come in you know." I laughed.

"Um, it's not grace, it's Derek." Instantly my chest heaved and I wanted to burst into tears again.

"I'm packing don't worry." I snapped.

The door creaked open, then shut behind him.

"You don't need to pack, I'm not bringing you back." He said sitting on grace's bed.

"Yes you are. I don't want to be here anymore." My heart ached in my chest and I struggled to keep the tears at bay. I was thankful my back was to him and I hadn't met his beautiful eyes yet.

"Anna I shouldn't have said those things to you, I really crossed the line and I apologize." He shouldn't have said it? So he meant what he said but just should have kept it to himself?!

"Look Derek, I don't care anymore. You said what you meant, whether you should have said it or not." I shuved another dress inside, zipping it up before grabbing grace's bag and started putting her clothes in there as well, this time I took the liberty of folding hers.

"That's not what I mean. I meant that you are so much better than what I had made it seem. You should treasure the fact that you are innocent, it's..."

"Just stop. I don't want your pity. I am not stupid, men like wemon who are more experienced. I understand. I just didn't expect to be called less than average by a man who was to marry me. You know I used to read these stories about a handsome guy who falls in love with a normal girl, and he made her seem beautiful beyond compare. I guess that's why stories remain in books, they are simply stories. Just leave me, please." I was so close to crying i was shivering. I stopped folding resting one of grace's dresses on my lap as I closed my eyes tightly.

"Anna I... " He said, in barely a whisper. I heard him sigh, before the door opened and he walked out, shutting it behind him. I turned around, feeling hurt beyond compare. He couldn't say it. He couldn't tell me otherwise! He does think I'm less than average and he just left!

I have never felt this kind of pain before, this sharp throbning pain in my chest when I breathe. He only made me feel worse. I didn't even need to look in his beautiful eyes to feel like I was worthless to him.