Hello there,
I hope you enjoy this chapter! I can't wait to read your thoughts! ;)
~ Lissa
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"Temp hates me," I muttered, situated next to Ethen on the bed, thankful for the silence and company. He placed his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together, while peering at me with his emerald eyes. For the last thirty minutes, I had replayed Temp's words over and over again in my head - he was right about me betraying him. What kind of person was I? I ran my fingers through my hair, taking a deep breath. "I've messed up - this is the second time I've gone against him. God, I don't blame him for hating me; a lot of people hate me right now."
"I don't."
"Am I a bad person?"
Shocked, his eyebrows shot upwards. "You're asking me that question?" Hesitantly, I nodded, staring into his memorizing eyes. "Thea, compared to me, you're an innocent flower - just because you betrayed your friend, doesn't make you a bad person." I rolled my eyes, before looking down at the dusty floor, overthinking. "I believe there's a line that separates bad and good; you haven't crossed that line over to bad. In fact, you're nowhere near it. Yes, you've done a few bad things, made a few mistakes, but you don't have the potential to be a bad person, if that makes sense."
"You mean, I'm not capable of being a bad person?" I rephrased, receiving a simple nod in response. "I don't think that's true, Ethen." He shifted closer to me on the bed, a frown coming across his face. "I mean, in the last few weeks, I've done things that I never thought I would do. Even though it was a kill or be killed situation, I killed a werewolf and it should've bothered me for days, but after a couple hours, I felt nothing. Uh, I almost killed Tyler, but the worst part is, is I want him dead. I've never wished death upon anyone and I want to be the one to kill him."
"The thought of killing people doesn't bother me as much as it should," I continued, shaking my head. "I'm literally waiting for the war against the government - a part of me is looking forward to it. I just don't know who I am anymore."
Ethen pinched his lips. "You're stronger."
"I guess," I mumbled, avoiding his eyes. "I'm leading a pack of werewolves and I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. What I think is right, is actually wrong." I tossed my hands into the air, exasperated. "I thought it was right for me to drag this pack here and take all of you down, but it's wrong. It was a bad decision; it was a bad idea." Thinking of my past decisions, I continued, "I thought it was right to reach out to Temp and ask him to help me find you, but it was wrong of me. I should've never dragged him into this danger, into this complicated situation, because he hates me now."
"I'm sure he doesn't hate you," he assured, forcing a grin. "He's just angry and confused. Give him some time, Thea."
"We don't have time," I countered, seriously. "I know the government is closing in - they're going to attack any day now." Eyes burning, I looked over at him, not surprised to see his eyes staring into me. "I don't want to lose him, Ethen, just like I don't want to lose you. I'm afraid of what will happen when we untie him. What will he do? Seek revenge on me? Disappear completely?" Shakily, I inhaled loudly, glancing around the dark room. "Either way, once I release him, I'll lose him and I don't know if I can handle that."
"Why not?"
"I-I don't know," I answered, quietly. "Looking back, I see how he's been there for me. He's always been there and thinking that one day he won't be, makes me want to curl into a ball and die." I wasn't surprised when his eyebrows knitted together and I corrected myself, adding, "Okay, maybe not die, but still - I'd feel like shit."
