Break Me One More Time [McLennon]

in which they are home

Barney sighed. "I thought I might never see you again after that day... You gave us all a real scare, Paul."

"Hm," Paul said thoughtfully.

"The F.H.O. is having a field day," Barney said. "I think they're all really beginning to realize that you're not immortal and that we really need you and that there are people out there who are going after you, trying to kill John or even you apparently. It's good that they're finally opening their eyes, but I hate that you had to look death in the face to get them to do it."

"Barney," Paul sighed, completely ignoring everything the man had just said to him. "You told me, months ago, that me and John and George were safe, that the F.H.O. was protecting us! What, are they not protecting us now? Are the three of us going to get killed? Is Ringo in danger now, too?"

"Paul, stop panicking," Barney said. "You need stay calm."

"Stop panicking?" Paul narrowed his eyes. "Barney, I have been ripped out of my life, thrown back to a time when I am nineteen! And then I'm told that my best friends and my dad and Linda are suddenly alive! And I've got to protect John and he's got some big secret that he's keeping from me! So then Linda dies! The woman who I fell head over heels in love with years and years ago and your organization goes and kills her! And then I find out that my best friend who had been dead for almost thirty five years is in love with me!"

"You told me that you're in love with him, too!" Barney shouted.

"I am!" Paul bellowed. "That's the problem! Don't you see?! I had this image of John in my head for years. From when I met him, top when we were in the Beatles, to when we were fighting, to making up, and then to the years I've spent with him dead... I have had this image of him in my head for as long as I can remember and you went and changed it because something bad will happen if I am not in love with John Lennon. And I just don't understand.."

Barney frowned sympathetically but he didn't say anything. The room was silent for a while.

"You know what?" Paul sighed. "I'm in love with John. I've come to terms with that. And I'm happy with him. But did you ever consider that I didn't want to be happy with him like this?"

"Why should it matter?" Barney asked. "If you love him, and you're happy, then why should it matter if you didn't want this in the first place?"

"You don't get it," Paul shook his head. "This isn't how it's supposed to be with John. I can't stop thinking about this and puzzling over the fact that I'm dating him and I finally know why! It's because this is not how things are supposed to be with John and I just - I don't know! I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do! I just don't know and I'm sick of not knowing!" And without another word, he left the kid then and he crawled back into bed beside John, as far away from him on the bed as he could get...

How can I be in love with John? He thought. How can I be in love with John? Hoe can I be in love with John?

~~~

A few weeks later, late in March, when Paul was healed and they were performing a show, something happened. They were in the middle of this performance and Paul was singing and he looked over at John and..he winked. That was all. He just winked. But it did something.

After the show, as they were walking how, Paul couldn't help but notice how John wasn't joining in the conversation between Paul and George and he was pretty sure George was noticing the strange behavior, as well.

He figured it out pretty quickly, though, once they were behind closed doors. Back in their apartment when they were alone, Paul looked at John and he knew exactly what had happened and he cursed himself for winking.

John's eyes were dark, pupils blown wide, and Paul was standing there, cursing himself for...for...

Oh, screw it all!

He lunged forward and kissed him, deeply and desperately. He'd never felt so needy in his life and he didn't care and he didn't care that this was his best friend in the whole world and he didn't care what he'd said to Barney just a few weeks earlier! He especially didn't care that he was being completely bi-polar about all of this, going back and forth between being mad that he'd fallen in love with John and just being in love with John! Because dammit, he was in love with him and he couldn't stop that and at the very moment, he wanted to have sex with John, a lot of sex, and he didn't want to feel guilty about being in love with his best friend anymore. And yeah, he knew that he'd probably feel weird about it later anyway, no matter what he said to himself, but he was going to have sex with John anyway!

"Bedroom?" John said into Paul's mouth.

Paul grinned. "Oh, yes. Please!"

John led Paul backwards towards their room, kissing down his jawline and attacking the small part of his neck that was exposed.

The two of them stumbled into their room, grabbing onto any karts of one another that they could get their hands on. John slammed Paul up against the wall and latched his mouth onto his lover's desperately. "Want you," he said between kisses. "Need you."

Maybe this was too much. Maybe Paul was taking this all too far this time. It was John! His best mate!

And then he reminded himself yet again, for what felt like the millionth time; it was John. He loved John. He loved John.

"Then take me," Paul grinned, his breath coming out labored and uneven. "Please. Right now.. I'm all yours, Johnny."

"Love you," John whispered, kissing down Paul's jawline, and down his neck.

"I - I love you," Paul said and John pressed his forehead to Paul's, looking into his eyes. "I love you. So much."

"Yeah?" John grinned and Paul matched his expression.

"Yeah," he said and kissed him firmly.

John moved back down to Paul's neck as he began to fumble with his tie, soon throwing it aside, and his shirt. Paul shifted and John took his mouth off of his pale skin. Paul quickly began to unbutton his shirt and tear it and his suit jacket off. "You know, Johnny, it's no fun getting naked all by yourself."

John quirked one eyebrow up and paired it with a smirk before he undid his own tie, letting it join the rapidly growing pile of discarded clothing on the floor.

Paul began to think, as he a John both became progressively more and more naked, that maybe his beloved image of John was overrated, anyway. Maybe it was high time that he view John in a new light.