The Cost of Love

Chapter 18

He closed his eyes and his hand dropped from my waist. I frowned at the loss of contact. "I'm sorry about almost doing that to you." 

"Why did you want to go so badly?" I choked out. I was afraid to hear his response. 

When he opened his dark green eyes, they were hard. He was pushing me away. I grabbed his forearm and it tensed below my touch. "Don't shut me out, please," I begged. He still hadn't said a word, and I was losing my confidence fast. I just couldn't get through to him. Tears started to well in my eyes, and I scolded myself for crying again. I was supposed to be the Alpha's daughter. Strong. I said the one thing that had been repeated in my mind for the past couple of hours. 

"I can't lose you," I muttered weakly. 

His guarded eyes immediately sprang to life, and he crushed me to his chest. His heart was beating wildly, and I wrapped my legs around him, not wanting to let him go. 

He kissed my forehead and placed his against mine. I didn't want to look at him; I was ashamed with all my crying. I just wanted to bury myself into his arms until I felt better. But he tipped my head up with his thumb and made me look into his eyes. 

"You're not going to lose me," he said huskily. Does that mean he's not going? 

"Promise?" 

"I promise." 

I smiled sadly and I felt relief wash over my body. I actually think my body sagged from the weight off my shoulders. 

Connor POV

Hearing her so vulnerable made my chest burn. She looked so sad, like she had lost me already when she said those words. I wanted to show her that I'd always be there for her. Well, until I wouldn't. 

This whole fucking plan has gotten so confusing. I really don't think I'm strong enough to go through with it. Not with her looking up at me with her wide blue-gray eyes, trusting me and thinking I'm the best fucking thing since sliced bread. She doesn't know me at all, what I could do to her, to her family. What I'm supposed to do. 

I needed to talk to Nick so badly. First I'd punch him in the face for putting so much stress on my mate, then I'd ask him what the hell everyone was thinking when they decided to threaten the pack. I'm not in the loop with the hunters right now, and that scares me. I don't know their next move. 

When Kiara said that she couldn't lose me, my heart actually got caught in my throat. I had to force myself not to tell her that I'd be fine; it's her I'm not sure I can handle losing. 

"I'm sorry," I told her again, not knowing what else I could say. I wanted to tell her the truth, but I was too confused. She'd hate me for it, and I don't think I could handle seeing her face crumple in horror as she finally learned the truth. 

She just shook her head and gave me a small smile, but it still made my breath falter and a stir in my jeans. She has such an affect on me and she doesn't even know it. 

"I know I don't know everything about your life right now. When you're ready to tell me about your past, I'll be here," she said softly with her eyes half lidded. She was a fucking angel. And I was ruining her.  

"But Connor," she arched an eyebrow, "you do know we have a gym you can train in, right? If you're so worried about your figure." She poked me in the stomach and laughed under her breath, lightening the mood. I couldn't help but smile at her. 

"It's not the same," I said sheepishly. "It's better training on the land that you could potentially be fighting on." 

She kissed me on the cheek lightly, her lips lingering there for a moment before she pulled away, making me grab her hips and press her firmly to me. I heard her moan quietly and I almost lost it.