Squid Game ~ Hyun-ju

11 - A promise

Despite everything, Hyun-ju felt almost giggly as she entered the queue to receive a package of milk and another sweet bread. She just kept recalling the moment she had with Kyung-jun. It sounded like he would give her another chance to get closer, maybe even date again. He looked happy when she told him she did like him. Right now, she almost couldn't believe ever lying to him, saying that she didn't.

She hadn't expected him to really like her and to still want to be part of her life, but it looked like he really still wanted to. That thought made her feel warm inside.

Was it wrong for her to feel this way? People were dying all around her. Scared. Desperate. How come she hadn't felt so alive since years? Maybe putting her life on the line by playing these games made her value it more. Or would it be because of the piggy bank that was almost half-way filled? She didn't know what resulted in her feeling this strong; Kyung-jun, her valuing her own life more and more or the money, but she was appreciative of it nevertheless.

'Not this again,' Kyung-jun sighed as they took their stuff and made their way to the others. 'I swear, if we get the same bread tomorrow, I'll be voting to leave.' Hyun-ju felt her lips turn into a grin. 'What do you think tastes better? This bread or the food we got while serving in the military?'

'Alright, you got me there,' he replied, rolling his eyes. When they had joined the others silently, the atmosphere became awkward. Geum-ja and Young-mi were the only ones from their team who had voted to leave. It wouldn't have made any difference if even the three of them had voted to leave together, but still they felt guilty to them.

'Why did you do it, Hyun-ju?' Geum-ja asked. 'Does the surgery cost that much?' Hyun-ju sighed and nodded. For some reason she felt really bad about letting them down. They didn't even know each other, but the time they spent being in a team and surviving the second game together, made Hyun-ju feel connected to them. She wanted them to understand her, and she wanted to let Kyung-jun know why she had pushed him away. 'Everything was fine until I told people who I really am,' she explained. 'Once I told people I wanted to live as a woman and started transitioning, everything changed.' She felt her breath trembling. 'My mom cried a lot, my father stopped talking to me. I got fired from my job, lost all my friends, except for one. I wasn't done with the treatment and procedures, but I wasn't earning any money, so my debt kept piling up.' She sighed. 'Although I felt liberated, my life became so much harder.'

They all felt for her. 'If you make money here,' Geum-ja started, 'what will you do? Do you have a plan?'

'Well...' Hyun-ju mumbled. 'I was thinking about moving to Thailand.'

'Thailand?!' Both Geum-ja and Kyung-jun exclaimed, but the latter in disagreement. 'I thought about finishing my transition there and buying a small house, but...' She thought about Ye-jin, who hadn't heard from her in two days and must be worried. Then she looked at Kyung-jun, who looked at her a little afraid, like he didn't want her to leave. And these people were so understanding to her... Maybe it wouldn't have to be all that bad.

'Maybe I will stay,' she said. 'Why Thailand?' Geum-ja asked, to which her son reacted. 'I've been there before. There are many woman like Hyun-ju. They are very beautiful!'

'Yeah, I hear a lot of them are really beautiful,' Hyun-ju stated. Young-mi, who hadn't said anything in a while, said: 'You're beautiful too, Unnie.'

Hyun-ju felt a sting through her body. She had meant it. She wasn't prepared for what that sentence would do to her, but here she was, choking up, tears forming in her eyes.

'You are,' Kyung-jun confirmed, smiling at her warmly.

She was so touched by their words, that Hyun-ju kept replaying them over and over in her head when she would sit on her bed by herself after eating and drinking. Maybe she didn't have to leave... Maybe she could stay here, in Korea, and live her life after transitioning. If she would make enough money.