Squid Game ~ Hyun-ju

10 - 'Do you want to stay?'

Now that they had been relieved from their anxiety, everyone felt really tired.

Hyun-ju felt her body becoming heavy. Luckily they had to wait for the other players to complete their games, so they could take a rest in the dormitory. As they were sitting on the iron parts of the stairs and their mattresses it was quiet for a moment. Then Young-mi slowly approached her.

'Unnie,' she carefully said. Hyun-ju felt her heart stumble upon realising she was talking to her. She had said the word without any resentment or disgust. 'Can I ask you something?' Young-mi continued. Hyun-ju swallowed the lump down her throat and nodded. 'Yes,' she replied. 'How did you know it would be easier to flip the Ddakji with the other side?'

The others looked at her with interest, too.

'I used to play Ddakji with my friends when I was a kid,' Hyun-ju replied, thinking about it, 'and that was my secret trick.' It didn't work every time though, as she remembered getting hit by the man in the park, but she did make some money from it.

'Can I ask you something too?' Geum-ja asked carefully. The way she had said it, so cautiously, made Hyun-ju feel on edge a little. Still she nodded again and looked at her in anticipation. 'When you were playing Jegi,' Geum-ja started carefully, 'how come you didn't want us to look?'

She suddenly felt very self-conscious, having Kyung-jun sitting with them. He looked at her too, clearly wanting to know, too. 'Oh...' Hyun-ju mumbled, embarrassed to talk about it, but maybe it was better to just have it out of the way already. She wanted Kyung-jun to know about her, and if she wouldn't dare to say it now, she would never.

'Well, I...' she mumbled. 'Are you shy?' Geum-ja asked. 'It's not that... I'm just not completely... done.' Geum-ja looked at her confused. 'What do you mean?'

'Mom,' Yong-sik stated, embarrassed, 'stop asking questions. You're being nosy.' Maybe she was a little, but Hyun-ju didn't mind for a change. This person was genuinely taking an interest in her and wanted to listen to her. She wanted to understand. 'It's all right,' Hyun-ju replied. 'I still have some procedures left. I just didn't want people to stare at me.'

'What procedures?' Then it seemed to click. Geum-ja gasped. 'Oh, so that's how you got yourself those, too?' As she pointed at Hyun-ju's breasts, Yong-sik sighed embarrassed and tried to make his mother not talk anymore. Hyun-ju looked away shyly, not daring to look anyone in the eye, so she didn't see Kyung-jun looking at her to make sure she was okay.

The truth was, he still cared for her deeply. He wanted her to feel joyful and free. Safe. Loved. Confident. Powerful. He wanted every good thing to happen to her, and he still hoped to be one of those things for her someday. Even if she rejected him in the past. Even if she would reject him again now. He just wanted to make her feel right.

'And what about you?' Geum-ja continued, looking at Kyung-jun, trying to change the subject. 'You were so cool winding that Top and spinning it on the first try! And you're so handsome as well! I bet you're really endeared by your peers!'

'Mom!' Yong-sik shook his head, sighing again. His mother was so nosy. 'Thank you,' Kyung-jun replied with a chuckle, 'but I don't know about that.'

'Surely you would have lots of woman going after you!' Geum-ja held on. 'What do you think? Isn't he handsome?!' When she looked at Young-mi and Hyun-ju, they both didn't know what to say. Young-mi just wasn't looking at him like that; she was only interested in leaving this place to stay alive. 'There must be someone out there you like?' Geum-ja held on, looking at Kyung-jun.

'There is someone,' he confirmed, almost smashing Hyun-ju into a thousand pieces. It took all her strength to not react to his words in any way, and to just keep breathing normally, but she felt a heavy sting going through her body. This was what she had feared the most: him moving on from her. Her ruining her own chance at happiness. Not being able to have him is sufferable enough; hearing about him liking someone else was just too much for her.