Squid Game ~ Hyun-ju

10 - 'Do you want to stay?'

'There had to be!' Geum-ja encouraged him, but even she noticed he wasn't acting that happy about it. 'Are you afraid you won't make it out of here to be with her?' she asked, to which he shrugged. 'That's not it, I already know it won't work out, but I can't stop caring about her nevertheless.' Even Geum-ja picked up on the signals to stop mentioning it, but Kyung-jun still added: 'I told her I liked her, but she said she didn't like me like that. She never really told me why.'

The way he avoided looking at Hyun-ju entirely, made her confused a bit. Would he feel embarrassed for talking about the subject with her here?

'How can anyone not like you?' Geum-ja stated, trying to cheer him up a little. He smiled at her politely before shrugging. 'Part of me still hopes I can change into the person she would like, to be who she needs, or to just even be in her life. Even if she still thinks we wouldn't be fitting like that, I'd still hope to be able to contribute to her happiness.'

The words he had used made Hyun-ju think. After he briefly looked at her with a shy and hesitant look on his face, she realised he might be talking about her. Had he meant her when he was saying all those things? Would he still like her?

'You're a respectful, caring young man,' Geum-ja said in approval. 'You should be more like Kyung-jun!' she told her own son, who looked at her annoyed and started an argument. Young-mi chuckled for a bit, but Hyun-ju was too distracted, thinking about the things Kyung-jun said just now. She had a feeling he did mean her, and she wanted to check so badly, but the automatic doors opened and the guards came inside.

'Congratulations to all of you for making it through the second game,' Square said. 'Here are the results.' The digits on the screen started to dance as the piggy bank got loaded with pieces of paper. Hyun-ju looked at it and felt her eyes widen. It was so much money that got deposited, that she forgot about the people who had died for a second. 'In the second game, hundred and ten players were eliminated.' That brought her back to the hard truth. 'The prize money accumulated up to this point is twenty point one billion won.'

Hyun-ju looked at the screen. That would be almost 79 million won per person as of now. All those people died, leaving the 255 of them alive, and she still didn't have enough money. Other players were outraged as well, asking if they counted correctly.

'We will now take a vote to decide whether to continue the games or not,' Square stated. The desk was brought out again, and Hyun-ju could see the buttons from afar.

'Yong-sik,' his mother stated, 'if we go home today, let's have kimchi stew with a lot of pork.' She then turned to the team they had formed. 'I'd like to invite you to our house for a meal,' she continued. Hyun-ju couldn't look her in the eye just yet, as she knew she wouldn't be voting to leave. She felt terrible, but she didn't have any other choice. 'Unnie,' Young-mi said, looking at her, 'are you coming?' She said it with such a hopeful voice, Hyun-ju couldn't really say no. She nodded and tried to smile. It made Young-mi and Geum-ja very happy. After telling each other where they lived, they noticed they weren't living that far away and could easily meet up.

Hyun-ju felt something strange spreading through her body. She wanted to meet up like Geum-ja had suggested. She wanted to eat and laugh together with these people, who accepted her for who she was, or tried to at least.

The guard told them to gather up for the vote. 'This time, the vote will begin with player one.' The man stepped forward and pressed "X".

Yong-sik, player 7, shocked his mother by pressing "O". Hyun-ju didn't like it, but she would have to disappoint her as well. When more people had stepped forward to vote, Kyung-jun leaned a little more into Hyun-ju. 'What would you want to do?' he asked her softly. 'Do you want to stay?' She averted her eyes from him embarrassed, as her heart started to race. 'I want to support your decision,' he continued, to which she looked up at him again.

'You should vote for what you want,' she told him softly, to which he kept looking at her. 'Didn't you hear me just now?' he asked in a whisper. 'I still hope to be able to contribute to your happiness.' As they looked at each other, her throat started stinging and her eyes started to tear up. He did mean her. He wanted her to have the world, but she didn't want him to endanger his own life for her.

'You want to stay, don't you?' he asked softly when she didn't reply. 'You still need more money for your transition.' He already knew, so she didn't have to react to it. Still she nodded briefly, and he nodded in response.

'Player sixty-nine,' the guard said, to which Kyung-jun stepped forward. 'I'm sorry,' he told Geum-ja before walking to the desk and pressing "O." Not long after, Hyun-ju did the same. She didn't want to make them stay, but she couldn't leave herself. Young-mi looked at her shoes scared and sad. Hyun-ju felt bad, but when she was standing right next to Kyung-jun again, it all felt bearable. Still she wondered whether he really did it for her, or if he was depending on that money, too.

Another discussion broke loose, but in the end the O'ers got the upper hand by way more than one vote this time. With 116 against 139, they would have to play another game again tomorrow.

Despite feeling guilty, Hyun-ju was finally able to breathe again. Still she kept thinking about Kyung-jun asking her whether she wanted to stay. He really meant it when he said he wanted to contribute to her happiness, even after she rejected him so coldly. He thought she didn't like him at the time, and she wanted to rectify that while she finally found the strength to admit it.

As the players left their chosen section, she had to say it. 'Kyung-jun?' she asked, to which he stopped walking and turned around to look at her. He didn't look resentful. He just looked at her inquiringly, as if he wanted to make sure she was okay. 'What if she did like you,' she started, 'but she didn't know how to like herself?'

He seemed to think about that for a minute. All kinds of emotions flashed through his eyes: pain as he remembered the moment she rejected him, surprise as he recalled her words from just now, sympathy and eventually a hidden, shy joy.

'Then I hope she now realises how amazing she is,' he replied kindly, 'and that she deserves the world. That when she loves herself enough to have realised she is ready and deserves to receive love, she still has my contact info saved, and she would send me a message when we get out of here.'

No "if", but when, because he really believed they would make it out alive. Because of him, she dared to believe so, too.

'She has,' Hyun-ju confirmed with a starting smile, 'she will.'