where i'm safe

explanation

                                   aria's pov

i was back at the library for the first real stretch in days. it's strangely quiet, just the low hum of the copier and the soft click of keys from the new hire i trained last month. i clear the hold shelf, answer a few reference emails, and fix a jammed printer.

it's been a long day, and now i just miss my baby.

by the time i'm done working i see a text from jamie:

she's napping. do you want to come by after work? i can make you some tea, i know you've probably had a long day.

i smile at the screen before typing a response.

i'll grab dinner and head over. anything you're craving?

jamie: honestly? whatever's easy. thank you.

i clock out, head to the store and pick up roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and some celery from the grocery store, and drive over. when i step inside, the house smells like fabric softener and the lavender diffuser she always keeps on low.

jamie meets me at the door with a tired but warm smile. "hey!"

"hey," i say, holding up the paper bag. "i brought food."

"you're an angel," she laughs softly, leading me to the kitchen. "she's still asleep. hard. she played all morning. legos, puzzles, the whole lineup. we also baked some cookies and went shopping."

my heart melts. "good day for her, then." i say peeking into her room to see her curled up on the floor with her thumb in her mouth. yep. that's my baby.

we set the containers out, and while the food warms in the oven, she makes tea. it's quiet for a minute, then she says, almost carefully, "aria... can i ask you something? about kai."

"of course. what's up?" i ask. sipping my cup of tea.

"how is kai? is she okay? is she happy?" she blurts out all at once.

"she's been doing very well," i said, smiling into my mug. "so sweet, so thoughtful. she's really opened up these last few months."

jamie looked down at her cup, thoughtful. "you know... i've always worried about kai." her voice was soft and careful. "she's always been my little baby. even when she turned ten, she still wanted lullabies and piggyback rides, she's my only daughter. her dad is in the army, so we don't see him much."

i nodded and stayed quiet, letting her speak.

"she was diagnosed with autism when she was five. i did everything i knew how to do. but she always felt younger than her peers. soft, sensitive, clingy." her voice wobbles. "i thought she'd grow out of it. not because i wanted her to, but... because that's what everyone said."

"she didn't grow out of it," i say gently. "she just found someone who let her stay there when she needs to." i explain softly.

"she used to tell me she wanted to be little forever," jamie said, wiping her cheek. "and i just thought, she's sensitive. i never thought to ask more. and now i'm wondering if i missed something important."

"she's been... lighter with you. i notice it every time. and i don't want to intrude or make it weird. but i want to understand."

i reach across the table and touched her hand. "you didn't miss anything. kai has always known who she is. she just doesn't have the words. and she doesn't always know how to say it. you're not intruding."

jamie looked at me, confused but open.

"kai is a little," i say gently.

jamie got quiet. "a little what?"

i chuckled gently before telling her everything.

how kai had a little side. a part of her that felt safer when she was allowed to be younger. how she didn't fully certain things about being little, but that she trusted me enough to let that part out. that she nursed, she needed structure and softness and love, in ways that didn't match her age but made perfect sense for her heart.

jamie didn't interrupt. she just listened, her eyes glossy and steady.

when i finished, she sat down at the kitchen table, wiping her eyes. "i feel like i should've known. i should've asked more. i always saw those signs, but..."

"she only just started opening up to it," i said gently. "she's feels comfortable now. that's why she can explore it."

jamie nodded, blinking quickly. "thank you for being that for her. for understanding what she needs."

but it's okay. it took me time, too. she didn't tell me outright. i just... followed her lead."

jamie nods, thoughtful. "thank you for telling me.

a little while after, we hear a sleepy shuffle breaks the quiet.

we both look up as kai appears at the doorway, hair mussed, cheeks pink, lunar tucked under her good arm. her eyes find me instantly.

"mama..." she mumbles, heading straight for my lap.

i open my arms. "hi, lovebug."

she melts into me, half-on, half-against, thumb already hunting her mouth before she stops and whispers, "milk?"

jamie looks at me, soft understanding there now.

i hug kai against my chest. "after dinner, baby," i whisper, kissing her forehead. "we're gonna eat first."

"'kay," she says sleepily, and then reaches for a piece of celery off my plate like it's the most normal thing in the world.

jamie watches us quietly, tears threatening again,but this time, they look like relief.