All For Some

Chapter 89: Trying To Keep Crises In Order

"Everything," Izuku responded vaguely.

"Okay," Hitoshi responded clearly unconvinced. They were quiet for a long moment. "If you are struggling with things, I read somewhere that it might help to list them down and list them based on what you can actually do something about. Try to worry less about the ones you can't and focus on the one you can do something about quickest."

Maybe Hitoshi did not need to know everything to be the bouncer in Izuku's head. He really should have picked 'The Therapist' as his hero name.

"I'll try that," Izuku responded for once not lying. He still rushed the call to end to not be probed more. He sat still looking at his half-eaten breakfast for a long time. He had not known what he could or should do, still had no other ideas what to do after running out of breakfast, so why not count on Hitoshi in this. He was usually good with stuff like this.

So Izuku started letting his crises and panic attacks inside, father's expectations, Tomura's plans, Eijiro's secret which exposure would be disaster, how Izuku had treated Eijiro because of that, Izuku's own secrets which exposure would be disaster, Hitoshi digging through his lies towards that secret, Shoto and Endeavour, everyone's safety and future and of course Bakugo. Izuku was pretty sure that was the most of them.

Except for the trouble of trying to keep his double life going day and night trying to actually achieve something and babysit one serial killer occasionally. Izuku took the risk to actually write them all down. It was easier for him to think about things on paper. Saved some effort from his brain in trying to keep the whole list in mind. It was one of the reasons he took so many notes.

Then there was the question of what he could do something about. All the secrets, his and Eijiro's were the big ones that would end everything he knew and was used to. ' Try to worry less about the ones you can't' Hitoshi's advice made him think. He could keep lying, keep his mask on, avoid Hitoshi and father, delay being exposed, Eijiro being exposed but it was inevitable now especially for Eijiro. There wasn't much more he could do about Bakugo unless he wanted to go to war with Tomura and father too, not a good idea. At least he could avoid it until father found out that Izuku betrayed his trust, by not leading Eijiro to the slaughter, just like he betrayed his friends. Like...

Izuku's pen stopped and he squeezed his eyes closed.

"Focus Izuku," he muttered. He closed the notebook and went downstair to the baths. He spent better part of a minute spraying cold water on his face before dipping into the warm pool. It felt too large and quiet alone. Usually he just took a quick shower upstairs when alone. With the soothing feeling of the warm water his brain could work again.

"Focus on what you can do something about," he muttered. Besides helping others to be as ready as they could for anything that might happen, which he had already failed this day, he could help Shoto, needed to help now with the court case about to start.

Izuku got out of the bath. He felt a little better having a path, something to do. He could just hope Tomura and Bakugo would not do anything radical too soon. He just had to get to Shoto. Eijiro was probably there too. Izuku was already reaching for his phone...

He could not get the car. He still did not trust the driver, or that the car was not tracked, and Kurogiri was out of question. Izuku often felt like he could trust the Nomu perhaps more than anyone, but the loyalty and forced obedience were all derived from father's genes and quirk.

Izuku got dressed, packed material on the info Stain had gotten, and left walking to the nearest train station. It would not take too long to get to Shoto's sister's home. Izuku wore a cap and pulled it lover over his face hoping to not be recognized. A couple of people seemed to look his way and whisper to each other, but that was luckily all.