Back to Reality(Twilight)

Chapter: 22

I didn't hear the hospital door open back up, but I did hear the sighs of the nurse as she checked my vitals and asked me how I was feeling.

I told her I felt just fine and wanted my catheter removed as soon as possible. She replaced my I.V. and said she'd be back before long to take out my catheter.

The door didn't even have a chance to close behind her before my mother appeared. Upon laying eyes on me, she immediately clasped her hands over her mouth and started sobbing. My father held onto her shoulders from behind, leading her in, further and further in the room. Her eyes were shut tight as she wailed and tears continued to roll down her face. The sounds of her crying felt like needle pricks in my chest, and I thought briefly about how selfish I had been. I thought nothing of how my actions would affect my family. I only thought of what might make me feel better, and for those brief moments in time when I couldn't feel a thing nor think a single thought about her, I did feel better.

"Edward, oh, Edward," Esme continued to gasp through her sobs.

"Ma, please. Shhh... it's gonna be okay," I whispered to her, reaching out my hand towards her.

She wasted no time in wrapping me in a hug, as awkward as it was while lying in the hospital bed. She squeezed my shoulders and held onto the back of my head while slightly rocking us. I laid my bandaged hands on her back and gently patted her while continuing to whisper, "Shhh," in her ear for comfort.

"Ma, I'm fine," I told her as she backed away from me slowly, only with the help from my dad.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" she shouted, wiping her eyes and cheeks.

"I won't. I'm sorry."

She huffed as she sat in the chair next to me, the one Jasper had just occupied. "You scared us all so bad, Edward. Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I just wasn't thinking, Ma. I took a couple of Ambiens and drank a little too much. I wasn't trying to kill myself or anything," I answered, wincing as I thought of how I entertained the idea of dying.

"You had a lot more than just a 'couple' of Ambiens, son," my dad replied. "And you had quite a large amount of alcohol in your system."

I had really started to resent the fact that both of my brothers and my dad were all doctors, and there was absolutely no fooling any of them. "It was an accident." I tried to reassure them.

"What about writing all that stuff on your arms? Was that an accident too?" Esme asked, with her eyes piercing through me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, trying to play off every thought and emotion that I was having, and wanting nothing more than to stop answering any questions.

"Ma, I'm fine, okay? I don't even remember writing all of this. I was really drunk. But I'm fine. Everything's okay. And I'm not gonna do it again. Alright?" Maybe if I kept saying I was fine, then it actually would be true.

"Why, Edward? I just don't understand why...." her tears kept trickling down her cheeks, off of her chin and onto her cream-colored blouse. She had a light colored trail of tear stains across her chest, and for the life of me, I couldn't take my eyes off of it to look in her eyes. Her stare, her sobs, her deep intakes of breaths and her tears all kept my eyes astray.

And so for the sake of being vague and for the sake of keeping my mom sane, I told her only what I could offer, only what I could ever allow myself to admit.

"I was just hurt. I...." I took a long, solid breath. "For just one second, I wanted- I wanted to not feel a thing. I wanted to forget."

"And did it help?" she asked, her hazel eyes glassy with a sheen of sparkle behind it all. "Was it worth it?"