Dead Advent: New World Order (Book 1)

Chapter 22 - Cowards

"Uhm... me."

Slowly, the heads turned around one by one. I gulped as inconspicuously as I could, feeling a small burn creeping up my ears. Randolph regarded me with raised eyebrows, as if he just noticed my presence. It was understandable if he was truly surprised though, since I had been deliberately blending myself into the background for the entire meeting till just now.

I steeled my nerves and stood up quietly, plunging myself into the spotlight. From the corner of my eye, I could see Ruby gawking up at me, looking absolutely stupefied. I sucked in a deep breath and opened my mouth.

"I think we should stop the patrols."

"Stone cold bitch." Someone nearby muttered, and I tried not to assess how much that comment stabbed me.

"At first, I, too, felt the same way as all of you. When Commander Randolph said we're stopping patrols, my first thought was – what about my family? How am I going to find them now?"

Some people frowned and crossed their arms. Others looked on suspiciously.

"I wanted the patrols to continue. I didn't care if that meant we'll be putting this place in danger. I didn't care if that threatened my own safety. I wanted to put my family first... it's their lives before mine."

"But, just... think about it for a while. The reason why we want the patrols to carry on so much is because we believe our loved ones are still alive right? They're out there, somewhere, surviving."

"We trust them. We trust that they can beat this world. If we believe that they are still alive today, then we need to go on believing that they will be alive tomorrow, and the next, and so on."

"Shit happens," a girl in the front row said as she tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders.

"So the more we must trust them. Trust that they can deal with the shit that happens. It's the best thing we can do for them right now."

"No," one guy glared at me menacingly, "the best thing we can do for them is to find them and bring them back here where they can be safe and warm."

"That's what I thought too... but now I realize... that would be selfish."

Confusion was written on every single face. I paused for a while and tried to organize my thoughts into words.

"Put yourself in the shoes of your loved ones... what would they like for us the most now? Safety. Food. Shelter. Would they want us to send our good men away and risk our lives as a result? Do you think they will ever agree to that?

"They'll call us stupid and reckless if they could... They'll knock us on our heads and tell us we're worried about nothing... That they can take care of themselves and we should just mind our own business."

I smiled as an image of Tim slapping my forehead playfully and Brad ruffling my hair, laughing at my worried face appeared in my mind. A warmth spread through my body as the memories poured in, and I reeled back the tears and steadied my emotions.

"Maybe we'll be cowards for not sending the patrols out. So what? So be it. We'll be cowards, for them. They want us to be cowards. Heck, they need us to be cowards. So even if all we want to do is get out there and find them, we have to keep ourselves safe first. As ironic as that sounds, we have to be selfish in order to not be selfish."

"The best thing we can do now – is to trust them with all our heart. Trust that they will find their way to us. And while they do so, we have to keep this place intact and safe... make sure this place remains standing for as long as it needs to be. So the soldiers need to be here. Because we can't protect this place just by ourselves."