inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

c.t.h

june 22, 2014, 8:31 p.m

"ew," two blonde girls snickered as I walked down the hallway heading to maths.

I nervously clutched my books in my hands, glancing down, trying to focus on the floor tiles rather than their judging eyes. but the floor was stolen from beneath my feet as one of the jocks stuck their own out, causing me to trip.

multiple people laughed at me and tears started to fall from my eyes as they just continue to point and laugh.

"s-s-stop!" I cried out, but it had done nothing. "p-please! I didn't do anything!"

"shut up, fatty, why don't you go somewhere else and cry," a blonde preppy girl said laughing as everyone around me started snickering and calling me cruel names.

"stop! just stop! please!" I begged.

"stop!" I cried as I was shook awake and glanced beside me, seeing Rosie who looked concerned.

"calum, are you alright?" she asked as I sighed,aging back into the couch relaxing to myself and nodding.

"yes," I swallowed dryly, "just a bad dream that's all."

she frowned, seeming displeased. but she said nothing further as she cuddled back into my side, making my worries seem to fade more.

I scooted more into her, feeling her warmth, and getting more comfortable. she was always warm, and she always smelt like fruity coconuts, and i had to force myself not to smell her 24/7.

"what time is it, Rosie," I questioned as she blushed checking her phone.

"only 8:30"

"sorry for falling asleep on you, I tried staying awake as long as I could," I said with my cheeks getting red an she shook her head.

"no it's okay. you need as much rest you can get. also exercise, you have to stay healthy," she smiled making me break out into one and I nodded chuckling.

we laid there, as the movie grown ups continued to play. of course I laughed at the funny parts, but I didn't feel like I was in a laughing mood that much. I could still feel the food in my stomach just from an hour or two ago.

I make it seem like i'm doing okay, and I am, but I still get the urge. I still have that feeling. it wasn't something that I wanted to do, it was something I had to do. and i'm not sure if anyone gets that. not even Rosie.

"I got to use the toilet, hold on," I said as she nodded keeping her attention towards the moving and giggling.

I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding in, once I was in the bathroom. my hands shook and my knees were weak as I stared at the toilet. I quickly locked the bathroom door, already knowing where this bathroom break was going.

I clenched my fist, hitting the counter as tears brimmed my eyes. you promised michael.

but i'm not strong enough. I haven ever been strong enough. I turned the faucet on, and sat in front of the toilet. I waited a bit, trying to convince myself that I didn't need to do this. that I can just do something different. but nothing ever really worked.

then my index finger was down my throat, and I was gagging. tears brimmed my eyelids as I was choking, but nothing was coming out.

"dammit!" I cried.

I stood up, going to the medicine cabinet, grabbing an unused toothbrush before retrieving back to the toilet and shoving the end down my throat, forcing it to stay until vomit was coming out. once I couldn't purge no more, I started crying. hard.