Only If It's You (Ben Drowned Fanfic) [1st Place in Ben Drowned 2016]

Prologue: Dear You

I decided to move this here from my old account, so if you've read this somewhere else before, I have taken it down and put it here. Thank you and enjoy~

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Dear you,

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was able to forget. I've wondered what it would feel like if people wouldn't remind me of that day. Would I be able to do better in math? Would people take me more seriously? Would people stop giving me candy and hug me like I needed to have it?

You're probably wondering why I decided this fate, or why I allowed to be tortured for so long. I want people to understand. I want them to understand why I ended my life so early.

From the beginning, I always thought I would meet a nice person that I would love for the rest of my life, and eventually have kids with. I was born into a broken family. My dad took my older brother while my obsessed mother took me, their divorce pulling me and my brother apart. I never felt so abandoned. Why would he not take me too? I always asked myself if he never loved me to begin with.

Living alone with my mother was a nightmare as a child. She never let me go outside after school, she would compare me with other children, and if I showed any evidence of wanting to leave, she would lock me away. As a kid, I always dreamed that a prince in shining armor would save me. But instead, the man of my dreams, and my best friend, died all at once.

At first, I loved him as just a friend, but then it became something more. He was my everything. My best friend, my boyfriend, my chem partner. Even when he woke me up in the middle of the night just to talk, I would stay up with him until he fell asleep. Whenever he called my name, I felt so needed.

He was my lifeline.

I loved him with all my heart, and we promised that we would be together until the end.

How naive I was to believe such a half assed promise...

He easily broke it. I saw him kissing and going to the movies with someone else. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. I didn't think that the person who I cared about most would ever love someone other than me.

I let it slide though, keeping silent. When he was gone, saying that he had football practice, I swallowed my tears until he called me again. When he gave me chocolate for valentines day, I knew that he had another saved for the other girl. When he was late for our date, I knew that he was busy being with her. I guess I had a high tolerance of pain, even today. Eventually, I lost my interest in being with him anymore. His hand was cold to the touch, and when he kissed my cheek, I didn't feel like smiling like I used to.

We slowly drifted apart and I knew it. He knew it. Everybody at school did. They just didn't know why.

That was until he came to me after school one day with cuts and bruises, his eye so swollen that he couldn't see me. He told me everything that he had done. He said that he regretted every second of it and that he had all my friends beat him up for being such an idiot. I remember that day so vividly and how much I hated myself for forgiving him so easily. I wanted to break up with him and never talk to him again.. But I was too scared to. He would have hated me, and at the time, I couldn't afford losing him. He was my safe haven. I needed to go to a safe haven once I left my mother.

I forgave him, but told him never to do it again. He looked so happy, and he promised with all his heart that he would make it up to me. At the time, a string of hope sparked in my hallow, broken heart. I felt that we would be happy again, together. That I could run away and live the life I always wanted. But that day was the last time I saw him...