Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 33

"Fine," she huffed, and we both sat on the sofa with snacks in front of us on the coffee table and the TV playing in the background. "So, you were in Harry's car, or something? Let's start from there."

"Eugh, okay, well he waited for me after psychology and offered me a lift home completely out of the blue. I was a bit weary but I agreed, and then I was even more weary when he took me to his house instead of mine. He didn't even tell me, he just drove to his house."

"I told you he was weird," Mckenzie butts in, nodding whilst she stuffed a whole pringle in her mouth.

"Yeah, and he said he wanted to talk to me, and we didn't even make it out of his car before we were arguing about how he basically thinks I'm just automatically going to want to be with him without even giving it a second thought."

"He thinks that? What has he said?"

"This is the second time he's brought it up. He's said... like... 'Do you want me to tell Liam it's over?' when I haven't even said a word to him about a final decision."

"Are you sure he hasn't just got the wrong end of the stick? Are you giving him mixed signals?" she was treading very carefully, and definitely pushing it.

"No! I keep telling him I need time but he just assumes things! He gets really angry when I tell him I haven't decided though, apparently he isn't going to speak to me now until I've made up my mind."

"Well maybe you just... should, Jess?" she said, and I got the impression she was sympathising with Harry. What the hell? I didn't sign up for this! My best friend was always supposed to take my side!

"Mcke—"

"I know this is not what you want to hear, but it's just not fair on anyone, including you. To keep stringing Harry along and not telling Liam about any of this is... just not good."

"You're supposed to be helping me, not telling me what I already know!"

"I know, but that's all I can think! You just have to choose, I guess," she shrugged regretfully.

"It's just not that easy," I could feel tears pricking at my eyes and I knew the deeper we got into this conversation, the higher my chances of breaking down and crying my eyes out were.

"You know me, Jess, I'm not gonna be able to help you decide because I'm biased..." by the sorrow in her voice, I could tell she could sense I was getting upset now. "But if you want to talk about it — to get it out of your system — I'm happy to listen."

"It should be a blatantly easy decision, but it's not! It's like... Liam is kind, caring, an old friend that loves me, but what does Harry bring to the table?" I started to sniffle, my eyes welling up and my voice getting shaky, "What is it that's making this so difficult? What is it about him that's holding me back from telling him I don't want him? Harry's just some self-centred arse that thinks everyone's at his beckoned call, but... there's just... something."

The flood gates had well and truly opened; I was sobbing, and Mckenzie scooted over to comfort me.

"I just— I... I don't know! And I'm coming to realise that I'm a total bítch for what I'm doing to Liam, and as much as I don't want to say it, it's not fair on Harry either. Either way I'm going to make someone mad by what I do."

"Liam wouldn't be mad," Mckenzie cooed softly, stroking my hair like I was a lost puppy. Part of me wanted to go off on one about how she was doing the exact same thing Harry was by assuming I would choose him, but I knew that she was really trying to assure me that Liam wouldn't be mad, but she couldn't exactly say the same for Harry.