Decisions

Desire

Desire.

Meaning- A want or a need. Something you aspire to have.

Desire was a beautiful coffee complexioned woman. She was smart, always educated. Her tall frame stood at 6'0, and though she was of this model height, she never looked down her nose at anyone. As her past shoulder length hair swayed with a little breeze, she contemplated her life as her thoughts came from her full soft lips.

"I am so sick and tired of this bullshit! If only I could just get away from all the problems surrounding me, I know I'll be good. I can make a better way for me and my son. I don't have to be this person. I don't like who I am, what I have to do to just survive. I don't even know how I got myself in this predicament. I used to be so smart, so full of life. I had so many things going for myself. Well, at least that's what I hear people saying. It isn't until now that I see they were right. Funny things is, I am just starting to feel the brunt of that. Nah, this isn't me." She say's shaking her head.

 "My life is not supposed to be this trap. I'm going to do what I have to do to get me and my son up out of here. I just can't see myself living like this anymore. It's killing me inside as a person.

The girl who had so much going for her is now just a woman who is trying to find her way out of a bad situation. The choices I've made; the decisions that lead me down the path that I am on now...Did I really ask to be here? No I didn't. I didn't think that things would turn out this way. I really thought he would marry me. I thought he would love me, like genuinely. He says he does, but if he truly did, I would've been married already. Really eight years? If he didn't love me why the fuck did he get me pregnant with a child? To slow me down; I could've lived my life without being attached to him forever! And that's exactly what it was. Don't get me wrong, I love my son, Amir. He is my little prince and I will do any and everything for him. But that father of his, he didn't want to let go, so he made sure he would be tied to me forever; and now, now I am falling apart trying to keep it all together. Lord please give me strength." 

These were Desire's thoughts that constantly kept coming like a bus does every twenty five to forty five minutes. She couldn't let it go because this is not how she wanted her life to end up. Sure she has material things; the best Jordan's and Nikes money can buy, nice bags, cute shoes, shopping sprees, but at the end of the day, those things do not bring her comfort. They make her sick and they make her resent the world that she is living in, and the people around her.

How those things were acquired and the way they came about surely never sat right with her soul...and certainly not right with God. But when you make decisions to be in this life...certain things come with the territory.