Gilded Rust - YiZhan

Chapter 10 - Empty Spaces

Tired of pacing, he went to the ensuite and sat on the toilet in the dark. Then, he leaned towards the vanity and lay his forehead on the cold granite surface.

What am I supposed to do?

He had no answer, but now that he'd stopped moving, his sweat-drenched t-shirt made him shiver. He decided to shower again to occupy himself. This time, he scattered his floor clothes on the floor before stepping in. Unfortunately, Yibo discovered that the small enclosed space was one of the world's best places to ponder; he couldn't escape his worries even as he focused on scrubbing his body. Soon, he found himself close to tears.

Don't you dare cry!

Desperate, he thought back to his culinary school days and tried to remember what his classmates had said they did when stressed by exams and projects. He hadn't been close to any of them, but he'd surely, he'd overheard some nugget of wisdom. He focused his mind on the task. There had been deep breathing, going for walks, listening to music... Deep breaths hadn't done anything so far, and the rest wasn't accessible to him at the moment. What else?

Think!

Then, it came to him.

Masturbation.

Like any teenager, Yibo had gone through puberty with desire interrupting his thoughts at inconvenient moments. However, due to his living arrangements, masturbation had never been an option. The fear of being discovered had been enough to turn him off. He'd had the occasional wet dream while in junior high school, but as with masturbation, the terror of betraying himself to his aunt had managed to prevent those, too. As a result, he'd never indulged in or even considered self-pleasure. However, now his desperation meant he would try anything to make himself fall asleep.

Switching to the regular shower head, he turned his back to the water and poured body soap into his palm. Then reached for his penis, cradling it with his fingers. The mundane action brought shame. What was he doing masturbating in someone else's house?!

I'm being ridiculous.

It might have been someone else's house, but this was his room. People had no qualms about having sex in hotel rooms; how was this any different? Annoyed at himself, he took a deep breath and continued stroking his limp member to awaken it.

Picture something! Anything will do!

The encouraging thought had no effect. What was he supposed to picture? Yibo found himself reaching for a blank page. He'd never had time to watch enough television to have a celebrity crush, and no one in his life had ever aroused desire in him aside from one exception, and that high school romance had been locked away and buried in the depths of his mind, the key to the chest thrown into the depths, never to be retrieved again. Not to mention that fantasizing about a teenager at his age would have been disturbing. As for the sex he'd had with his cabin mate on the cruise ship, it hadn't left much for him to reminisce. This wasn't going to work. He was ready to abandon the idea when, out of nowhere, the image of Mr. Xiao's mole below his lower lip, combined with the memory of his soft hand, popped into Yibo's head. His body immediately reacted to the stimuli, and he hardened. For a few seconds, he indulged in the sensation until a light moan escaped him. The sound of his own pleasure bouncing off the tiles brought him back to reality faster than a cold shower could ever have. He let go of himself.

What the fuck am I doing?

In the darkness, horror overcame him as he became fully erect. At the same time, the urge to touch himself was so strong he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way, if ever. He clenched his fists.