The world as we knew was collapsing before our eyes. Slowly without us being able to do anything to prevent it. Our free will was taken away from us. We became puppets, controlled by a higher power. All we wanted was to escape, to cut the threads th...
Most of all, I wished I had the courage to set him straight. But Beatrice dissuaded me from doing so. Simply put, I felt scared of Robin. This new side of him made me freeze inside. We all seemed to be on high alert today, letting our eyes wander from left to right without interruption. Looking for something to escape from if needed. It was still warm outside, the sun was shining high in the cloudless sky. I quickly got hot in my clothes. Pulled at the neckline to get air.
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Many words were not said as we walked towards a goal in the distance. The corset in the sky. The only building that seemed unaffected by the disaster. The world as we knew it had changed. The earth had not perished, but the work of man had crumbled. Could God really be behind this? Did I even believe in him? Did I think there was someone or something greater than man? There must be.
Frida had said that God could not be satisfied with what he created, that we destroyed everything. Is he trying to repair that error? I put my hand to the sky. Did he try to repair it by taking control of us? And now we had cut ourselves off from him. What does that make us? Sinner?
- What are you thinking about? Beatrice was waiting for me.
- When do you sin? I said, taking my hand down. There was a moment of silence after that while she thought about my question.
- I think it's when you hurt your fellow man and don't regret it. That one would rather repeat the same wrong doing than take responsibility for it. That person is a sinner.
I nodded at her answer. That's what I reasoned too.
- Can't you just ask for the Lord's forgiveness? And still get to heaven.
Beatrice snorted. That's exactly how I felt, that it wasn't that simple. I mentioned the thought to her.
- Have you been wondering, she began, seeming to take a different direction in the conversation. Why were there so many who had collapse recently at the church?
Many explanations had gone through my head, but one felt weaker than the other.
- It has something to do with the threads right? At that answer Beatrice nodded.
- The man in the church disliked Frida because she spoke out against him. Same with the man who tried to hit the woman. I think they got blocked because of the threads.
Although it felt so unlikely when she said it openly. At the same time, it felt like the most obvious solution.
- Robin didn't get in the way yesterday, I said mostly to myself.
The feeling of wrongly doing hit me again. Clung tight to my heart. Made me want to scream in frustration. Is everything already late? A hand in mine, Beatrice seemed to sense my concern.
- I'll take care of you.
-
When we had settled into the cramped room of the church, Beatrice took me for a walk. We were quite high up so we could rest our eyes on a large part of the city. Rows of tombstones lay before us. I never liked being in a cemetery even though it was beautiful with all the flowers.
Beatrice on the other hand seemed to be having a blast. Read aloud on the tombstones and calculated how old the people were before their passing. Impatiently I waited for her to start talking about something else. There seemed to have been a reason why she wanted to go out with me by herself. Now I walked behind her with my hands tied behind my back.
All evening I had felt the need to cry. The lump in the throat had grown bigger and bigger and weighed down both stomach and chest. Had no desire whatsoever to know what year these dead were born or their full names. I wanted an explanation for everything. Don't live in this uncertainty. It tore me apart. Besides, I knew that Beatrice knew more than what she had told the other.
When we reached the highest part of the cemetery, Beatrice pointed with her whole hand over the landscape.
- You see right? she asked.
With squinting eyes I considered the view before us. Gliding slowly with my gaze over everything below. Ruins of former lives. Buildings razed to the ground, only the lowest floors seemed intact. A great chaos lay before my vision.
But then suddenly my eyes stopped at something and I recoiled in horror. Despite the evening, it was bright outside, so it was impossible to avoid the movements in the alley some distance from us. As I feared, something was still alive in the city. We were not alone.
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- It's not Leo then? my bottom lip trembled. Beatrice shook her head so her hair danced in the wind.
She moved her hand a little to the right and pointed. I followed her direction. A man was squatting with his back against the wall. Were there people left?
- Shouldn't we go down and talk to them? I said.
- Don't do that! her voice had gone up a volume and made me flinch. You saw what happened with Leo, these people are just like him.
- Obsessed?
- Certainly. Stay away from them. I can't protect you if you choose to get involved with 'it', she put her hands on my shoulders and squeezed.
- Do you understand? I met her gaze and saw the seriousness in her eyes. I nodded. Felt the terror that ran through my whole body.
What had I gotten myself into? Can I mentally cope in this world? I already felt like I was going crazy.
