In Riptides

08 | invisible string

I almost want to laugh at just how long of a shot that really is, but I play along and agree because it's the least I can do for breaking her daughter's heart.

"Lia? It's Nate," I say after knocking on her door. "Can I come in?" A moment drags by without a response, so I open it a crack, cautiously peering in.

She's in bed under the covers, breathing deep and steady. Sleeping. I cross her room, almost floating so I don't wake her. But should I? Maybe that would only piss her off, having me here in her personal space without any warning. Although, she's going to be pissed off regardless.

Her back is to the side of the bed, and I tilt over, taking in her relaxed face. Out like a light. I'm about to whisper her name, but I sigh and back away, feeling too bad about disturbing her.

I've only been in her room once a few weeks ago, and it's pretty much just how I left it; books and artworks, twinkle lights and plants, the piano by the window—with the addition of some clothes on the floor and what looks like a cup of melted ice cream on her desk.

I find myself sitting on the piano bench, thinking about us here that night. How she played a song that made me understand how beautiful the piano can be. It kind of blew my mind, how she just knew the right notes to touch and create this invisible string of sound that could have been made from her soul, as if it were coming out of the very tips of her fingers before she even touched the keys. That invisible string drew me right to her, sharing an almost-kiss.

Wide awake on the pullout couch in Rob's room, going down to the kitchen for water, her doing the same - I wondered if she couldn't sleep either. I wondered which one of us dropped the glass of water when our skin brushed and it shattered. I stopped wondering anything when I pulled her over the line and kissed her; the invisible string wrapped around us and it all just made sense.

Everything makes sense when I'm with her.

"All right so, I'm just going to talk," I say softly, almost at a whisper. "If you happen to wake up and kill me for being here, then I deserve it, and I'll take the risk. Cool?"

She keeps her steady breathing, staying quiet.

"Okay cool," I continue, talking to the back of her head. "I guess I don't even really know what to say yet. There's just... there's no excuse for what I did. I'm obviously sorry. I'm obviously an asshole. And maybe you were right about Alex, about me not being over her. I want to think I am, but maybe it's just impossible to get over someone when you're still around them every day, you know? I don't know. But... whenever I'm with you, Lia, I feel myself becoming more untangled from her. I meant everything I said the other night. That hasn't changed. And even if she's there as a part of my history, it's still you I want in my future. It's only you."

I watch her sleeping form give no reaction, my words settling between us as I hold out for her to stir and roll over. To mumble my name or give any indication that she's aware of my presence. But it doesn't come.

"So yeah," I exhale, standing. "I hope some of that made it into your subconscious, but we'll talk at school. I mean, I'll talk. I know you won't wanna listen but... I'm not giving up on us, DeMarco. No chance in hell."

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I get more impatient as the hours drag by, going through the motions all day, itching for the morning to come. I've never wanted to go back to school so bad in my life. When I finally pull into the parking lot, I don't stop for a smoke or join Blake and Ollie sitting on the wall. Tyler's already made me late enough as it is to try and catch Lia before class.

He's been fine taking the bus since September, and he's been consistent in his denial about his reasoning behind that decision. It's definitely because he loves waking up early and waiting at the bus stop and definitely not because he wants to avoid my carpool with the guy who beat the living shit out of him.