MULATTO (Iyila) (Editing)

chapter fifty six

It was four long, torturous days since Gabriel returned to Illinois and Dede arrived in Charleston. Yet Iyila didn't know how to manage her fretting nerves, or her sweaty palms from being clumsy, or her quick to snap temper, or her racing heart. Luck been at her side, she had cunningly waved off every one of Dede's attempts to see her; using flimsy excuses as her reason. Logic, still reassured her that luck wasn't going remain forever and sooner or later she had to see Dede and confront her fears. Deila, being the emissary, was already complaining and displaying gestures gearing at suspicion, forcing Iyila to an indecisive conclusion that, regardless it was indeed a necessity to see Dede and clear off the guilt she felt in her heart. 

The first day of his arrival had slowly and painfully passed with her nerves flaring and eager to rip open. The sound of doors opening frightened her, pouring into her head the thoughts of Dede appearing at the door, with a disdainful sneer on his face, together with an irked temper sprouting into hate, raring to curse and hit her for betraying his love, for laying with Gabriel and planning to runaway to Illinois only three months after his disappearance - which had been their dream.

The second day had turned out worse than the first, even the chirping birds irritated her. Worst of all the way the other Negroes spoke of Gabriel, lustfully, heedless of her presence. Though she couldn't blame them, her affair with him had been strictly confined to the four walls of his chamber. Still she couldn't help feel irked by their ravenous compliments and feminine giggles made by the sound of his name, coupled with Deila persistent insistence that she saw Dede, just adding to all her worries. The third day had gone the same, only that Iyila had almost bumped into Dede which she had tactfully ignored - being the difference. But when the fourth day came she knew she could no longer hide from him, she felt she owed him an apology, at least a statement to clarify his doubts before leaving for Illinois.

Though she loved Gabriel, she had never thought that loving him could cost so much, as to depart from the people she called family: Brown, Tari, Deila most especially who had, over time, become the sister she never had and who she had always longed for. And Dede who had only just arrived and was eager to see her. Guilt, anger and fear all consumed her. No matter how she tried to push it off she just couldn't. One thing was certain, Deila would never understand. Brown perhaps would, but Deila would never accept her relationship with Gabriel. It was a difficult decision to make though. She concluded that she would not tell them of her departure. Perhaps that way they would only hate her behind in absence.

Breaking the news in person was something she couldn't guarantee, she feared that she would be ruined by their reactions. By Tari's pitiful pleas to make her stay, a child that she had saved and nurtured as her own. A child who's rescue had been the reason that she was brutally battered and bedridden for weeks, leading to her painful separation from Rose and Mary, ultimately leading to her been sold to the John's and her obscure meeting with Gabriel. Brown's unsaid words only evident in her tears and weak simpers, in addition Deila's dreadful remarks of her being a selfish, inconsiderate, a whore for carelessly laying with Gabriel over and over again even though she had warned herself not to. Then lastly Dede's hate which she dreaded the most.

Every night in her sleep she dreamt of him, cursing her for her foolishness, for her loose legs and undisciplined heart. She usually woke up feeling guilty and teary. But when Friday came, Iyila decided to tell Dede the truth and free herself from all the guilt. If not from anybody, at least him. She had locked lips with him, at one point felt crazy for him. He had been the centre of her life and she had dreamt of him then. It was only fair that she told him and received the hate than live the rest of her life with Gabriel, feeling intensely guilty and remorseful.

That evening, after carefully waiting for the lights to go off and begging Sarah to cover for her absence, to which Sarah readily agreed after Iyila had promised to share her breakfast with her, Iyila skilfully stole out of the house, minding the slave lookouts strategically dispersed round the plantation. Almost a professional at it, Iyila managed to hide in the bush where Dede awaited her.