The world as we knew was collapsing before our eyes. Slowly without us being able to do anything to prevent it. Our free will was taken away from us. We became puppets, controlled by a higher power. All we wanted was to escape, to cut the threads th...
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I parted my outstretched legs so he could fit between them. Face so close to mine. Body pressing against me. I could feel every inch of his body. How he start rubbing his body against mine, how his exposing hip bones rubbing against my bare skin. He put his head to my ear and let out long breaths.
Felt my own body waking up under his. Desperately I rummaged through his clothes, wanting so badly to feel his burning skin against mine. I want you, my body shamelessly screams. Show me your desire, show me how much you want me. Give me your mouth, press your lips to mine. Closer, deeper...
Then suddenly I opened my eyes. Realize the second afterwards where I am. That it was all just a dream and that I'm lying alone on a blanket in the grass. After Beatrice left I must have gone back to sleep. The hangover felt a little easier this time I woke up, but the anxiety all the worse. Remembering the dream I had just had, I squeezed my eyes shut.
What is wrong with me? Why am I starting to think of Gabriel that way? Never before had I felt this way about another man. Then all the pictures of the night come over me. And why did he think of me that way? I didn't know what was worse in this situation, Gabriel's action or my reaction? "You must be sexually frustrated," his words rang in my ears. Maybe thats the answer. I was starved when it come to intimates.
That's why I react at the slightest thing. All I need is to lie down, or masturbate, then everything will become more clear to me. Right now I can't think straight. I just need to ejaculate, I thought as I grabbed myself between my legs, then everything will be as usual.
-
How could I look Gabriel in the eyes after the incident? My feet trailed each other as I walked up to everybody again. Apparently he was still sleeping, Mikael announced. He wasn't feeling too well he had told him earlier in the morning.
Have you guys had a fight? he also asked and I felt a little irritation.
Why did everyone make them sound like we were a couple? I shook my head and left his side.
In the distance I could see Vendela walking alone around the grounds outside. Now it's my chance to catch her. Despite the ache in my head and the need to go to my room to sleep, I walked the short distance towards her. She seemed surprised by my presence. The round eyes seemed to get even bigger when she saw me.
In my head I had planned how this meeting would play out and no matter how uncomfortable I felt I was going to execute it. So when I caught her hands between mine, I didn't try to think about how she would react, just what my emotions were telling me to do. We were not in a gray everyday life, we were tipping over a precipice. Were thoughts then needed about what should be said and done? Couldn't we just do the ones that came our way? Right now I wanted to hold her hands, I wanted to look deep into her eyes and tell her I was there. So she could stop wasting energy on Beatrice, to prevent her influence on Vendela.
