The world as we knew was collapsing before our eyes. Slowly without us being able to do anything to prevent it. Our free will was taken away from us. We became puppets, controlled by a higher power. All we wanted was to escape, to cut the threads th...
The man lying in a bed at my foot moved restlessly in his sleep. I could relate to him. But Gabriel lying on his back in his bed with no worries written on his face, how does he manage to obtain them? I laid down in my own bed. Even though I knew I wouldn't sleep a single blink for the rest of the morning.
-
Around eight in the morning it started to move around the bed. With a discreet glance, I saw Gabriel open his eyes. For hours I had thought about what had happened, but also what I would say to him once he woke up. I turned onto my side and thus made eye contact with Gabriel.
- Sorry, that quite word came out of my throat. I cleared my throat to try again, now more clearly.
- I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean it, I take back what I said. I don't want us to be enemies. Gabriels gave a look of relief, then smiled.
- I don't want to be enemies either.
That morning I skipped breakfast and instead sat by the hill that was above the city. In my mind, I was at Grandma's again. With a loss in my chest, I looked up into the clear blue sky and wished so deeply that I was standing in front of her grave. Because I wanted so badly for her to hear what I had to say.
- Grandma, I've made a friend. As you always wanted from me. That I had a friend who meant something, my voice was like a whisper up to the sky. And I wished so dearly that Grandma was here now and could hear my words.
That evening I decided to break away from the church and the assembly hall, at least during the night. Without a word, I packed a bag full of pillows, blankets and various things I needed. Then I walked the short distance to my new favorite place.
In the same grass where I now spread a blanket, Beatrice and I sat a few hours later and talked. Deep inside I had always known that she played a big part in what happened in the world. But I never wanted to accept it when she discouraged me like that. The question I asked her still vibrated in the air: Who was she? Where in all this did she play her part?
Even though Gabriel and I had a truce between us, we hadn't exchanged many words between us today. He seemed aloof, not only to me but to others as well. Normally I would have informed him that I slept away this night, but because of his manner today I had refrained.
This morning I had gone straight to the breakfast table and congratulated Gustav in person. He, in turn, seemed uncomfortable and I could probably understand why. Having to hide such a big thing in his life from a so-called "friend". So therefore I tried to lighten the mood by saying hello to his fiancé-to-be and it had an positive effect. Afterwards, everything was exactly as it was before. People are the same no matter who they choose to love. How hard would it be to try to tell some people that? I smiled bitterly at my own thought.
-
Despite roots sticking up my back, I slept pretty well that night under the open sky. I promised myself to spend as many moments as possible there at "my" place. Gabriel looked at me wonderingly during breakfast but I ignored him. His distancing yesterday had affected me. Now I had given mine all, after that it was his turn.
I heard that something similiar had happened to an another man that I experienced. Frida, the red-haired girl Vendela used to be with, told me about the man who collapsed in the church the other day. I felt like talking to him myself but didn't know who she was referring to.
At that time I looked at Beatrice, as if she knew what was going on. She in turn seemed to be surrounded by Vendela and that made me nervous. I knew Vendela, I knew how weak she was to the influence of others. Even though it had been years since she and I were close, I felt a certain responsibility for her. When I saw that blonde girl that seemed to be swallowed up by all that darkness who was Beatrice, I panicked. The perfect victim, it were where my thoughts landed. Vendela was the perfect victim. But what could I, who was her "enemy", do? Would she even heed my words of warning?
-
Then something happened that I can't explain a few days later. My head was filled with thoughts as I crossed the gravel path. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gabriel move closer to me and it looked like he was in a position to say something when the scream echoed. It was a startled, high-pitched scream that made my whole body freeze to ice.
Mine and Gabriel's eyes met before a second later we started running towards the source of the scream. A woman, with whom I had most hastily exchanged a few words, was the one who screamed at the top of her lungs. She was standing at the edge of the forest with her hands over her face when we got to her. Below her on the ground lay a man who appeared to be unconscious. His arms and legs were stretched out in the grass, face down. Gabriel immediately embraced the woman and tried to get her to understand what happened while I knelt in front of the man.
- He... the woman trembled forward. He just collapsed.
With both hands under the man's body, I managed to roll him onto his back. Everyone expected him to have his eyes closed, but the wide open ones that now met us filled me with horror.
More people seemed to have noticed the woman's screams and now came to the rescue. Mikael sat down next to me and began examining the man's body. The eyes searched one face after the other with such fear that I backed away. Gabriel grabbed my forearm and pulled me away from the crowd.
- Robin, I talked to the woman... he began breathlessly. His breaths were ragged.
- Before collapsing... he was about to hit her..., he breathed convulsively.
- Why? I whispered forward.
Then I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. Heard his heart pounding against my back. He seemed as scared as I was and I understood his need for comfort. I felt it all the same, after what happened to myself. With a firm grip on his wrists, I pulled him closer to me. Never before had I needed someone else's presence to calm me down like I needed now.
-
"How much I need Gabriel." those were the thoughts I had that night. I've never had a best friend before, so I didn't understand those feelings I had now. How I cared about another persons well-being, How he had gotten under my skin without me even noticing. I could curse myself for it, but now it was a fact, and I needed to be able to deal with it.
Maybe it were because of the particular circumstance we were in. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I couldn't push him away from me because of where we were. Either way, he had managed to get closer than I was usually comfortable with.
We lay on our backs next to each other there on the grass. The whiskey bottle was almost empty and the whole world seemed to spin. It got worse when I closed my eyes, so I looked up desperately at the sky.
Beatrice had promised a way out and I had decided to take Gabriel with me, whether he wanted to or not. From the beginning it had been a selfish thought, then the plan had only included me. But now... I turned my head and saw Gabriel's sleeping face lying facing me. The half-open mouth breathing loudly next to me. Frustrated, I turned my back on him. I did not wish for this. I had always managed on my own, so why did I now feel the need for another human being?
Suddenly I got an arm over me, it hit me so hard that I gasped for breath.
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Gabriel had moved over in his sleep to spoon me. A laugh bubbled up inside me. He muttered something I couldn't make out as he moved closer and put his bent knees behind mine. His arm was across my chest, I felt a little trapped.
