The world as we knew was collapsing before our eyes. Slowly without us being able to do anything to prevent it. Our free will was taken away from us. We became puppets, controlled by a higher power. All we wanted was to escape, to cut the threads th...
Beatrice seemed to notice my awkward position because she stopped what she was doing for a second to give me a warm smile.
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When the dinner was laid done that afternoon, I decided to take a walk alone in the forest. After days of being around and among people, all my senses were screaming for some alone time. Just hearing the voices fade out made the heaviness in my chest lighten a little. With no control over the tears, I let them roll freely down my cheeks as I lurched further into the forest. The summer breeze made its way into my thin dress, making the skin on my arms tingle. But I felt so free.
Every day here was a pain. However, life before this was no bed of roses either. At least there I could hide, not put on that fake smiling face that everything was all right. I felt like throwing up every time I offered my help or showed interest. For things I obviously could care less about. Anything to be liked. Anything to feel validated. Receive those kind words, happy greetings, compliments that determined my worth.
I ended up on my knees in the grass and hid my face in my hands. Because inside I was nothing. A big black hole that constantly needed to be filled by other validation. All in vain, because nothing stuck. The hole just got bigger and the needs worse.
- Dare to ask me for help, Vendela. You know I'm here, hands that touch my cheek, that forced me to stare into her dark eyes. "I'm here". That voice echoed in my head, made me feel things.
A verbal promise, no concrete evidence was needed. Just that to awaken a hope within me. A light that maybe, maybe in this darkness I wasn't lost. The same voice also seemed to be heard outside my head but from a distance.
Suddenly I realized I wasn't as alone as I thought. Distant voices, a conversation I couldn't make out. On all fours I crawled closer to the source of the sound.
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To my surprise, I saw Beatrice sitting there on the grass with Robin. A combination I did not expect to see. Since when were they familiar with each other? I had never seen them share a word and here they were sitting a few centimeters apart in a private conversation. Did she have a fling with him too? My thoughts drifted to the scene of Gabriel and her last night with their lips pressed together. Words from a previous conversation came to me
- Calm down, I won't take him away from you.
Not because he, Robin, belonged to me. But naively I had believed her words. Then I saw how Ronin leaned away from her with a look of disapproval. My hunch was confirmed a second later by Beatrice's words:
- You don't have to like me Robin... You just have to do as I say. Now I was close enough to hear what was being said between them. Robin remained silent as she continued.
- You tried to cross the border yesterday. You can't physically get past there. That's why you need my help. I know how we can move forward.
Small branches stuck into my legs where I sat in an uncomfortable position but it couldn't be helped. This conversation was far too important to listen to.
