He who holds the strings

Chapter 5 - Part 2

- You are so cold Robin, I had said. At my words, his head had dropped to his chest and he looked defeated.

- When I finally left, it felt like it didn't matter for him if I was still in his life or not. He was emotionally unavailable. Although he tried by all means to hide it.

In the periphery I could see how Frida nodded at what i said.

- I have met such people before. Who find it difficult to open their hearts because they are afraid of intimacy, because they probably had bad experiences and don't want to experience it again, she said those words that I had later also thought about. The fact that Robin hadn't seen anyone three years after our breakup confirmed that theory.

When Beatrice and the other woman came to bed there was silence between us. We said our goodnights but I lay awake for a while with my thoughts. Unable to cry myself to sleep that night. Maybe I started to accept the situation? Maybe, I thought, turning over to the side. But just maybe.

-

The next time I opened my eyes I found myself in a void. Straight on the ground I sat with my legs stretched out beneath me. Although I could clearly see my hands in front of me, all around me was just endless darkness. I didn't feel confused, not scared. Honestly, I couldn't feel any emotions whatsoever.

Suddenly someone stepped into the light. A person without a face. When the creature began to speak I could clearly hear it was a woman's voice. She held an object in her open hand, it took a moment before I could make out what it was. Thread roll and a needle.

- Your right as a human being has been taken away from you, said the bright voice.

- Because of your ingratitude, your apathy and your hatred, you are now just a thing. A doll that is now controlled by us.

Roughly she grabbed my hand, I didn't have time to react before she put the needle straight into my palm. It didn't hurt. When I tried to tie my knuckles, she just bent my fingers up slightly.

- Do you know what a marionette is? She didn't seem to want to wait for my answer.

- It's a doll hanging by threads. In this way, you can control its movements however you want.

Quickly she unrolled a piece of thread and smoothly threaded it through the loop. The needle that was sitting straight up in my hand, she drilled further down into my skin. When it stuck out of the back of my hand, she took a firm hold and pulled it out. Only to repeat the process several times. Then she continued with my other hand and finally with both my feet. I could just watch while all this was happening. I wasn't able to move more than my fingers and toes.

. Like that, she said, clapping her hands. Now everything is ready for my new puppet.

The wires running out across the floor were lifted into the air by an invisible force. It lifted my heavy body. The blood that came from the open wounds poured out. Rained slowly onto the floor below me, staining the ground red.

I quickly woke up from the dream.

During the night I had got my period and immediately felt the throbbing pain in the lower part of my stomach. With my head filled with a lot of profanity, I got up and went to the toilet. I tried not to wake the people I shared a room with. I notuce that Beatrice's bed was empty. Maybe she's also up for a toilet visit?

As I was about to round the corner out into the corridor, I heard muffled voices. In the middle of a step I stopped when I realized they were very close. I tried to catch a few words, but the only ones I could make out were that they belonged to two people. A man and a woman. Carefully I peek out from my hiding place. I had as much right to be here as anyone else. I didn't have to sneak around like I did. What I saw around the corner shocked me.