We're Not Related Anymore...

Can't Keep Avoiding This

Jacob knows this about me. He knows a lot of little things like this. He knows I like it when it rains and that my favorite drink is iced coffee. He's read my favorite books and knows I like to confess things on open roads.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks now and I have to close my eyes. Everything feels easier in the dark.

"I hate that you're being nice to me and helping me out like this," I tell him.

"Can I ask why?"

"Only if you explain why you're doing this for me in the first place."

"I wanted to talk to you, away from all the others."

I open my eyes again. I see a whole bunch of cows and try to watch them long after we've driven past their grazing spot.

"I don't want to have to talk to you," I say.

"I figured that after you almost left without so much as a goodbye. Again."

"God. You and your mom," I laugh bitterly, resting my head back on the headrest.

"What did she say?" He asks, his voice controlled. My eyes go to where his hands are clenched on the steering wheel. He's gripping it so hard his knuckles have turned white.

"The usual stuff. She was going on about how I was a bad influence on you and that I had the audacity to run away." I pitch my voice to sound as serious as Lilian's and I think I see Jacob frown.

"Well, you weren't. But speaking of running away-"

"I didn't," I insist.

"What did you mean about Betty being the one to-" he continues as if I didn't interrupt.

"Just drop it, Jake." He pulls the car off the road and it's such a sudden movement that I almost get whiplash. I grab my seatbelt and whirl to look at him. "Are you crazy?"

"Enough asking me to drop things. What did you mean?" He says, slow and angrily.

"It was her, ok? Are you happy now? Now start the car and take me to the airport."

"What do you mean it was her?"

"She was the one who took the freaking video! She was the one who outed us and posted it for all the world to see!" My voice comes out louder than I thought possible and I have to look away from him. Here I am, acting crazy again. Shouting at him in a car about something that's so far in the past it's practically fossilized.

"Why are you only telling me this now?" He asks, his voice no longer angry. It just sounds tired and maybe even a bit betrayed. "Why would you keep something like this from me?"

"Why do you have to do that? I feel like I'm always the one getting blamed for everything that happened. I'm so sick of it. Please just drive."

I thread my fingers through my hair, trying to take deep breaths. But it's no use. I feel the tears coming and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

"Fuck you, you made me cry again," I tell him, wiping angrily at the tears now on my cheeks. "I wanted to come here and not have to deal with this. I just wanted to say goodbye to my father but everyone has to keep dredging up the fucking past and I'm so sick of it."

Jacob leans over the console to open up his cubby hole. He then hands me the tissues he's taken from there. I snatch them from his grip and blow my nose.

Wordlessly, he starts the car and gets back on route to the airport. My breathing is ridiculously loud and I feel miserable.

"Why do you always just leave?" Jacob asks once my crying has subsided.