The Rapunzels

13: Can I Touch?

 He groans again. It is deep. It is throaty. My breath hitches as I wait for him to come out of his slumber. But his sounds cease and his breathing becomes soft, softer until he's gone again.

I want to kick something. I want to kick my sisters but Lu and Lex aren't coming back. Chickens. I am not leaving. I do not cluck. I kick the foot of the bed instead.

I look at him. Up. Down. Up again until my gaze is stuck on his face. I want to know who he is. I need this. Is he really an angel? I saw the black wings but...

My mind flies to a book I once saw in the attic. There were no words – they had all been scribbled out, save one – but there were some illustrations. One perches on a branch in my mind. One of a man covered in drawings. I remember the sole word left untouched in the book—tattoo. Was this what they call a tattoo?

Angels had wings. Great big ones. Ones that protrude and are used to fly. There was no way my stranger could fly with that drawing on his back...could he?

"Damn," I swear and move closer so I can roll him on his side again and get a look at the wings. "Tattoo." I frown and carefully roll him back down. I'm an idiot thinking he's an angel.

The other man in the book had many tattoos. Maybe my stranger does too. Maybe it's the law to have multiple and not just one. I begin to unbutton any other button I find... just to make sure there is more ink. At least that's what I tell myself when I have his trousers open and the waistband exposing the top of his pubic hair and another tattoo. My eyes go wide. A wolf stares back at me.

"Holy, shit," I whisper. I find this overwhelming desire to rub my hands over the drawing, so I clasp them together to stop myself. "He's not an angel at all. He is a wolf." Shocked, I look out the window. To the moon streaming its rays inside. "They are not all extinct."

Marveled by this revelation, I hastily button up every button before hugging myself. "The wolves." I close my eyes and spin around. I am elated. Somewhere in the distance, I hear more wolves. They are singing.

I open my eyes and dash to the head of the bed. "I need you to wake up." I lean over and kiss his lips hoping it works like a story I once read when I was ten.

"Fia?"

I snap back and skitter to the opposite side of the room when I hear my name. I am blinded by emotion and shock. The taste of him lingers on my lips.

When I realize my sisters have returned I crumple to the ground like a boneless creature.

"Did we frighten you?"

I glare at Lu and scowl.

"We weren't planning on returning but..." Lu shrugs.

I touch my mouth. "Then you should not have." 

I am becoming led. I don't know why I feel heavy. I want to be a balloon. When I see them looking sheepishly at me, I pat the spot on the floor next to me and they both obey.

I tell Lexi and Lulu that he's not an angel and explain what a tattoo is. They look like they're going to cry. When I mention he has a tattoo of a wolf, they look at me curiously.

"It may be only a drawing, but it means he must have something to do with the wolves."

"If that's true, he must have something to do with angels, too," smarty-pants Lexi adds.

I shake my head. "No, it's not like that." But I can't explain what it is other than he can't use the ink-wings to fly.

"Maybe he knows where the wolves are," Lu offers. "Why else would he have the tantoo."

"Tattoo," I correct.

We can't explain anything. I'm starting to get frustrated that I don't understand and because I want to be alone with him. Right damn now.

"I want to see." Lu is on her feet. She's oblivious to our look of displeasure as she walks to the bed.

When she fiddles with his waistband, I want to vomit.

"Want to see the tantoo and what's under it."

No, he is mine! My insides are howling.

"Can I touch him?" Lulu doesn't wait for permission, she undoes his trousers and dips her hand under the material.

"Lu," Lexi whispers. I can barely hear her. "I don't think it's wise."

There's a ghost of a smile on Lu's face. "It is."

I can't breathe. I am suffocating. I don't bother getting up to escape. I crawl out of the room like a dog.

Outside, I find a slight solace in a corner. I reach up and pull at my hair. "Getthefuckoutgetthefuckoutgetthefuckout," I hiss like a mantra until both Lu and Lexi walk out a few minutes later.

I don't look up. I only see feet.

"He's beautiful," Lulu sighs dreamily. "His...oh my...beautiful."

"Is that what you came back for, Lucile?" my voice is a monster's. Gravel. A hammer. I don't raise my eyes. I stare at the toe of her shoe. "You two wanted nothing to do with him originally."

Lu doesn't notice my anger or if she does, she says nothing.

"We'll go back to the house now, Fia," Lexi says. "We won't be returning." She tucks her fingers under my chin and forces me to look at her. "I promise. We won't come back."

She knows I'm furious. My jaw is clenched. I turn my gaze to our other sister. "Don't...Lucile."

Lex understands. She takes Lulu by the arm and promises me again before they leave. She closes the door and locks it. I hear the key fall through the window. I can get out. No one can get in.

I wish I had more cocaine. I now understand why my parents love it. For a sliver of time, it takes you out of this crap called life.