Fame and fortune

Four

"You won't?" She asks. "Taylor answer me why won't you have to call him?" She says confused. "Um Joe. He isn't the father." I say quietly. "Taylor." She says. "You have got to be kidding me!" She says. "I'm not!" I say. "How do you know?" She says. "Maybe because Joe and I haven't had sex in months." I say. "Oh my god."  She says.

"What the hell Taylor!" She says. "I know Tree. This is bad, but you've got to see where I'm coming from." I say. "Taylor, you are pregnant. With another man's child, whom you have only met once." She says. "This looks horrific." She says. "I know. Im sorry." I say. "Oh honey......" She says.

"Taylor, this is going to look so bad if it leaks." She says. "It wasn't on purpose." I say quietly. "I get that, but you're not stupid! You are 30, you know what happens when people have unprotected sex." She says. "I know! I was drunk!" I say louder.

"Who is it?" She says. "A guy from Miles and Keleighs party. Joe had broken up with me, soooo." I say. "So you took the chance when you had it." She says knowingly. "God Taylor." She says. "What are you going to tell him?" She says. "Well, that I am pregnant. That I want to keep it." I say. "Do you have his number?" She says. "Um yeah." I say. "Okay." She says.

"I'm not going to yell at you, but just know if this gets it it's going to hurt." She says and I groan. "I know." I say. "But I want it." I say. "That's great Taylor, I just want oh to understand raising a kid is hard okay? It's not going to be like making music okay? There's a life in your hands that you have to raise until they are 18." She says. "You will always be there mom, I just want you to get this isn't going to be easy." She says. "I know." I say.

"I will let you go okay?" She says. "Okay." I say. "Your not alone Tay okay?" She says. "I know." I mumble. In reality I don't know. Raising a kid on my own? What the hell am I thinking? We hang up the phone, and I just sit on my bed thinking about what had just happened. My life is falling apart one by one by one each piece of my heart is breaking off.

I sit there for a moment wondering what the next step is. How do I tell the babies father? What do I tell him? Do I tell him the news over the phone? Do I tell him in person? What if he doesn't want to be in the babies life? Will I be doing this all on my own with no one to count on? Am I a single mom? What if this is how it all ends?

I sit there on the cold hard ground, asking myself all of these questions. Wondering how I'm going to do it all on my own. I have enough money to give this baby everything they could ever want, but money doesn't make you a good parent. I don't want this baby to grow up so spoiled they think they are entitled to everything they could ever possibly want. I don't know how my parents did it. How I turned out so great, yet make this big of a mistake in my 30s.

I sit there loathing in my self pity for what feels like an eternity. I'm going to be beating myself up over this, these next nine months. I'm going to be a mom forever now. Another title added under my belt, but not just a meaningless one. This is one that's going to define and stick with me forever.

I drag myself up to bed and plop down, burying myself under the mounds of blankets. I wake up in the middle of the night nauseous as hell. I sit by the toilet with my head in my hands. What the hell was I thinking?

I couldn't go back to sleep, so I sit at the small table on my balcony with a cup of coffee rubbing my temples. How do I call this man and casually tell him "Your going to be a father. Congratulations!" There's no way I can tell him that over the phone, he deserves to atleast be told it person.

I decide to pick up my phone, and finally contact the person who has caused me all of this trouble. I hesitantly grab my phone and go to his contact. It rings until he finally answers just right before it was going to go to voicemail. "Hello?" He says. "Hi Travis."