The Silent Killer - Completed

Dr Amelia Peters

I still haven’t told Jason what happened to Aoife. After leaving the hospital all he has been concerned about is making sure I eat regularly. I regret telling him about my eating disorder. Trust me to get drunk on red wine and let all my flaws come out to the man I love before I had even told him I loved him.

I was 16. I don’t really know what brought it on. Stress from exams? Guys noticing me? Celebrities beginning to get thinner? It certainly wasn’t abuse or anything as our family was perfect. Well it had its moments like all other families but most of the time we were the usual happy family. We got anything we wanted, obviously within reason, so had no reason to be unhappy.

Gradually I began to lose weight. I wasn’t enjoying eating my food. I rarely felt hungry so tried my hardest to be out or ‘asleep’ when dinner was ready. Whenever I did sit at the table for dinner I would spend the time pushing my food about my plate not eating a bite. My clothes became baggy and unflattering. As I looked in the mirror each morning I looked ugly. I had a horrible figure and my clothes never fitted me well. I joined the nearest gym, exercising every day for about 2 hours. I couldn’t see a difference in my body shape so I would work harder and harder at the gym in an attempt to improve.

After a few months my mother started to notice my more sluggish nature. I would spend most of my time in my room either asleep or lounging on the couch. Eventually she put her foot down and began to make me eat in front of her. I had to eat a certain amount before I could leave the table. Every meal was made for me and I had no choice in what I ate. They were full of calories and often tasted horrible.

As the weeks dragged on I didn’t seem to be gaining any weight. Still worried and angry my mum decided enough was enough and ordered me to the car and off we drove to the hospital. At the hospital they did a whole load of checks. I felt like no one cared that I was a person as they jagged needles through my skin and did scan after scan of my brain in the hope the answer would pop up on an x-ray machine. It didn’t believe it or not.

I think this was the day I realised I wanted to become a doctor. As I lay there being the empty body I watched as each and every doctor came in with the intention of helping me and making me better. I mean sure lots of the people here like me probably think they don’t need help or don’t want it. But, the rest of the people long for those people in the white coats help them, make them better so they can spend their lives doing the thing they love. How often as well do you hear in the news of a new breakthrough in medicine? For years new breakthroughs arise. From new medicines to people being able to walk again after horrific accidents.

Eventually the weight came back with a mixture of a busy schedule which meant I didn’t have time to think about eating that I simply had to eat what was put in front of me. My mum began to worry less and I did too. I had realised it didn’t matter what I looked like. If someone liked me then it was because who I actually am not who they want me to be.

As soon as my exams were over I began to look at what I had to get to get into medical school. Wow it was hard stuff. I really had to work hard over the next years if I really wanted to do this. So that’s what I did. I got stuck in with school work and as the letter dropped through my front door the fear struck. Shaking as I opened it I was terrified I hadn’t done well enough. Looking down my grades they couldn’t have been better. I was in medical school!

Those years were the toughest of my life. Well sorry I didn’t actually have a life. I spent all my time cooped up in my flat reading or sleeping. I could tell as each time I visited my mum that she was worried about my weight again. I really did need to make sure I was looking after myself but as usual I cared more about my career than myself.

As the clock moved to the last 10 seconds of my final exam the smile spread across my face. ‘I’m finished’ I thought. I had actually managed to make my way all through medical school and was confident I had just passes my last exam.

With a long holiday before I began my new job, which the university had helped me get, it was time to get my life back. Parties began appearing right, left and centre and I began to spend more time with friends. I actually had friends now. Before I didn’t have time.

Then came the guys. Most of them idiots and didn’t know a thing about how a woman want. Then there was Jason.